The Top

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By fuckit - 31/01/2009 17:24 - United States

Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 271

You deserved it 5 624

Teenage riot

By Anonymous - 05/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I finally had it with the redneck bully who's been tormenting me. He was repeatedly poking and pinching me and laughing out loud during class, so I slung him to the ground, pinning him. I got suspended. They only called his parents, who never do anything; my "caring" parents are looking into teen boot camp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 111

Spoiler warning

By Third Wing - 12/10/2025 03:00

Today, I started a new fantasy romance novel. It was very interesting, but then later I read the plot on Wikipedia and spoiled not just the book but the whole series for myself. Why do I do this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 569

Eww! Cleanliness!

By Anonymous - 22/11/2022 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got looked at weirdly for brushing my teeth in an airport bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 483

One step beyond

By Go vegan! - 06/04/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I realized I've become a stereotypical militant vegan when I told a friend that we should start raising Lone Star ticks and dropping them around town so we could spread meat allergies and force people to eat vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 1 413

Not so smooth criminal

By Ughhhhhh - 14/10/2025 09:00

Today, I got burgled. Not only did he steal my TV and game consoles, but he took a huge diarrhea dump in my underwear drawer and wiped his ass with my tailored suit. The dry cleaner won't accept it because it's a biohazard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 64

By accidentalslut - 07/08/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I met a hot guy at a club and we really hit it off. We went back to his place and we got down to business. After, I noticed he had an iPod Touch on his nightstand. I complimented him on it and he responded with, "Yeah, my girlfriend gave it to me as an anniversary present." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 124

You deserved it 56 200

Emotional support

By A very comforting thought indeed - 09/04/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, it occurred to me just how dependent I am on my parents, and that I would be totally fucked if something happened to them. The state of the world right now makes it impossible for young people to get anywhere. Especially one who can't drive and can barely talk to anyone without having a panic attack. AKA: Me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 571

Out of the frying pan…

By Anonymous - 16/10/2025 20:00

Today, after a five day bout of severe chronic constipation, I decided to get some orange juice and increase my water intake. The good news is that I'm no longer constipated. The bad news is that I've got diarrhea now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 112

Insult to injury

By Kellie82 - 11/04/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, the homewrecker who stole my boyfriend had the audacity to text me that I have to pay her medical bills from the pounding I gave her when I caught her and my boyfriend red-handed. She doesn’t care that I will now be a single mom of two kids and my only source of income is gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 1 044

BBFs

By Anonymous - 19/10/2025 15:00

Today, I was hanging with my lesbian friend, who I am secretly in love with. I bought her flowers, took her out to eat, and we held hands all through dinner. We met up with our friends later and she told them what we did, then said, "Isn't she the best friend ever? I'm so glad I have an honorary sister like her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 380

Goddamn Zoom

By Anonymous - 22/10/2025 00:00

Today, during a Zoom meeting, I thought my mic was muted. I sighed loudly and muttered, “I have no idea what this guy’s talking about.” The “guy” immediately stopped talking and said, “If you’re confused, I can repeat stuff.” Everyone stared in silence while I melted into my chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 594

I wonder…

By Anonymous - 24/10/2025 09:00

Today, I was talking with my Grandma, who lives on the opposite side of the state, and congratulated her on reaching 87. She said she was hoping to reach 90. My brain went in a very morbid direction as I quietly wondered if she'd live to 90. She didn't hear it but my dad, her son, did. Apologizing didn't help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 407

Talk to me

By Anonymous - 16/04/2024 16:00 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I called the suicide hotline, only to get lectured by a very condescending man. I hung up and called back, only for the other line to pick up and hang up on me immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 112

Enough!

By PoisonIvy - 26/10/2025 12:00

Today, everything I touch goes wrong or into the trash. Whatever I do at work, I screw up somehow (in new ways every time) and get blamed. I worked for months on something, only for it to be scrapped. I just feel like I should give up on everything, including life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 102

The heart wants what it wants

By bob - 19/04/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, the coworker I have been hitting it off with rejected me. Apparently she has a crush on another male employee. An employee who is married and somehow has three other girls in our store actually fighting over him (I've heard arguments). She thinks she has a chance? FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 229

By footstuck - 13/11/2013 17:51 - United States - Winterville

Today, I superglued the sole back into my shoe. Unfortunately, the glue didn't dry as quickly as it said it would on the bottle. The glue seeped through the sole and my foot got superglued to my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 545

You deserved it 12 627

Antiwork

By GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT - 31/10/2025 03:00

Today, my boyfriend came home and said he'd been fired from his minimum wage cashier job. He added that since I make enough to cover the bills, he wants to take a break from "working and shit." I stared at him, mouth agape, and he thought I was offering him a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 139

Oh, hi…

By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 15:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend who I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I find out that last time he saw me, I was blind drunk and vomiting after propositioning him all evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 970

You deserved it 31 250

Eat those feelings away

By Aubrey - 09/12/2022 15:00

Today, I ripped my second pair of jeans within a month. I know I have gained weight… or I can see the gain of fat cells. I'm desperate for change, but I have no clue what to do! I’ve tried it all! I'm a teacher and I can't afford a personal trainer. Believe me, I went through all the embarrassment of opening up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 333

Unilateral

By puppyless82 - 02/11/2025 12:00

Today, my husband re-homed the puppy I got because he chewed his sandals. I spent $5000 on the puppy, including microchipping, certifications, etc. He told me, “That’ll teach you to stop spending our money on dumb shit.” Oh, and I have to get him new sandals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 517

Ungrateful

By Karen - 23/04/2024 14:00 - United States - Solon

Today, a customer called me a "smart ass" because I helped him scan his coupon correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 84

HSR FML

By ZelWinters1981 - 04/11/2025 12:00

Today, I applied for the health and safety representative role at work as an add-on to my role. I convinced a co-worker to put his name down along with mine so I wasn't the only one. He didn't want it so much, and it went to a vote… which I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 423

Such a pity

By tod - 29/04/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I’ve never been in a relationship during which I wasn’t cheated on. Not that I seek the wrong kind of partner, I usually end up finding out, catching me by surprise. Mentally stable women don’t think I exist. Most of the sane girls I have known have unfollowed me since high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 232

Kids pick up stuff you say

By Embarrassed mom - 06/11/2025 15:00

Today, after a long, tedious and annoying wait in line at the supermarket, my 5-year-old told the cashier, “Mommy says you’re too slow.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 388

I love that for you

By friboy2791 - 27/09/2021 17:01

Today, my long distance friend-with-benefits informed me she's now in a relationship with an amazing guy. I should be happier for her, as even I admit he is perfect for her. Too bad I just spent over a thousand dollars on plane tickets to visit her. The tickets are completely nonrefundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 951

Caught redhanded

By Anonymous - 04/05/2024 20:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I fucked up by clicking on my ex's new partner's stories while deep-diving into their Instagram. Now they know I'm still lurking in the shadows of their social media because they can see who viewed their stories, and I can feel the judgment radiating through the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 856

Small world

By Frankie says relax - 06/05/2024 06:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I was at the grocery store when I bumped into my ex. Trying to be polite, I asked how she was doing, only for her to reply, "Great, thanks! I'm actually getting married next month." Meanwhile, I was standing there in a Garfield t-shirt clutching a carton of Ben & Jerry's and a bottle of cheap wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 244

Mental health day

By He needs help! - 18/11/2025 15:00

Today, my husband is furious with me for going behind his back and getting our son a psychological evaluation. His primary care physician, a psychologist, and a pediatric psychiatrist all agree that our son is AuDHD. My husband says no because he “doesn’t believe in that crap.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 129

We gave already

By Lou - 08/05/2024 20:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, someone broke into the underground parking garage. They ignored the Mercedes, the old and new BMWs and the Porsche, and smashed the window of my Fiat 500. They stole a 5€ note. Repair costs: 400€. FML

I agree, your life sucks 553

You deserved it 109

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The Top

Today, I think my unborn child has developed a sense of humour. The little cherub is usually very calm, but must have realised that if he/she kicks me hard enough in this particular place near my bladder, I'll piss myself on the spot like a race horse. It's happened twice now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 355

You deserved it 1 793

Today, a cop car was tailing me. I was scared, and trying to avoid any tickets, I drove straight through a huge pothole rather than swerving to avoid it. The cop pulled me over and insisted I was intoxicated, because, "anybody in their right mind would've dodged that pothole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 521

You deserved it 7 197

Today, I learned that I can work out for over an hour a day, cut my daily calories by almost half, keep careful track of my diet, drink nothing but water, and not lose a pound. But I can sure as hell gain weight after one dinner at a buffet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 726

You deserved it 15 876

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk. As he got home he asked me to marry him, I was going to say yes until he said, "Oh wait, wrong woman." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 326

You deserved it 5 920

Today, I woke up next to a woman nearly twice my age. I don't know how to tell her it was drunken sex and not the beginning of a relationship. But I have to come up with something soon as I work with her Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 532

You deserved it 44 424

Today, I got up early because I had a bunch of work to do. It's now 11:50 p.m and I still haven't managed to get anything done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 619