The Top · The top of the year

Tickedoff the Squirrel · 1 September 2026, 09:00 ·Makati City, Philippines

Welcome home!

Today, after a week out of town, I came home to discover my front door unlocked. I was greeted by a reeking old lady and her gorging obese middle-aged daughter with a "Who the fuck are you?" and "What are you doing in my son's house?" Said son is the former owner, from whom I legally bought this house four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 430 You deserved it 76

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Anonymous · 15 September 2026, 03:00 ·United States

Great first date

Today, my date asked how many kids and baby daddies I had. When I responded neither because I'm not like that, he didn't believe me and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367 You deserved it 65

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Anonymous · 17 September 2026, 12:00 ·Rancho Cucamonga, United States

Blasts from the past

Today, I think the universe is playing some cruel prank on me. Over the last few months I’ve had multiple exes reach out for various reasons. I’m talking exes from 20+ years ago to a guy I only got coffee with twice. Messages ranged from, “Hey how ya been?” to “I’ll still love or hate you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 282 You deserved it 77

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Anonymous · 19 September 2026, 20:00 ·Milwaukee, United States

A lot to take in

Today, I learned three things. 1.) My boyfriend has a side chick. 2.) He's leaving me for her because she's pregnant. 3.) They're moving into the apartment building across from mine, and my bedroom window faces theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460 You deserved it 55

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Anonymous · 22 September 2026, 00:00 ·Youngstown, United States

Better the devil you know

Today, I'm currently in a relationship, but he acts like a child. My boss has been trying for over a year to get my attention, and I've ignored his advances this whole time, but now I think that I've caught feelings for him. I'm torn between a man child and my boss who makes me submissive. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 121 You deserved it 420

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Anonymous · 5 October 2026, 22:00 ·Dallas, United States

Four out, one in

Today, it was the birth of my first child but it's been anything but a happy time because just a couple of days ago, my wife lost four relatives in a single day (both of her siblings, her father, and grandmother). Neither of us are excited about today at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483 You deserved it 58

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Anonymous · 24 October 2026, 03:00 ·Maryland Heights, United States

Weird family

Today, my mom gave me a severe scolding because I refuse to support my 3 sisters, and support 3 "home-wreckers" instead. They are my daughters, who are 3, 5, and 7 years-old. My sisters are 25, 28, and 31 years-old, and won't get jobs because they are "too important". FML

I agree, your life sucks 456 You deserved it 59

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Anonymous · 1 November 2025, 03:00

I'm an empath

Today, my dad straight up told me I’m not allowed to be depressed because it reflects badly on him as a single parent. This was followed by a threat to confiscate my car keys if I told anyone I’m depressed, even my friends and girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479 You deserved it 83

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Anonymous · 12 November 2025, 12:00

Health hazard

Today, I was at a grocery store when I slipped on a puddle of water. I tried to catch my balance, grabbed a shelf, and instead took down an entire display of chocolate boxes. People rushed over to help, albeit while smirking, and a kid yelled, “Do it again!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 370 You deserved it 85

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Zorro · 14 November 2025, 20:00

Lovely

Today, I told my mom I was feeling depressed and needed motivation. She hugged me and said, “Honey, you just need to get out there and find someone who loves you for who you are.” Then she added, “...but maybe lose the mustache first.” I’m her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339 You deserved it 145

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Anonymous · 23 November 2025, 22:00

Nasty

Today, I begged the people at my new job not to call my current boss for a reference because he is a vindictive dog shite. They called him for a reference, he tanked me, they believed him and withdrew my job offer. My boss also sacked me for disloyalty, thus proving he’s a vindictive dog shite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429 You deserved it 102

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Later! · 16 December 2025, 20:00

Such a rush

Today, I woke up late and rushed to catch the bus. I sprinted heroically, slipped on wet pavement, and skidded directly into a puddle deep enough to baptize me. The driver waited just long enough to make eye contact before closing the doors and leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363 You deserved it 79

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Paul · 21 December 2025, 03:00 🌶️ Spicy

Tight fit

Today, I'm having a difficult time in the bedroom. I'm 59 and the 40 year-old hot blonde I'm seeing is so tight, she squeezes me out almost every time she "gets hers." It sucks having to practically start over countless times before I can finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 You deserved it 312

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Anonymous · 25 December 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Get a taxi

Today, my wife walked into the bedroom in a vest top, a mini skirt, tights, and fuck-me heels. I thought I was gonna get some for the first time in months, until she came out with the dreaded statement, “I’m off out with the girls, can you stay awake? I might need a ride home later.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 475 You deserved it 140

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Anonymous · 1 January 2026, 15:00

Cheeky

Today, I learned that my kids refer to my much older fiancé as my “Emotional support corpse.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 224 You deserved it 426

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Anonymous · 8 January 2026, 12:00

I could be your girlfriend

Today, I hate that my best friend has a boyfriend, who doesn't even treat her right by the way. I could treat her way better, she's all I've ever dreamed of. Too bad she's straight. Too bad I'm straight. I might be in love with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 You deserved it 475

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Anonymous · 28 January 2026, 22:00

Bent out of shape

Today, my stepmom noticed that I lean more to one side when I walk. I'd never noticed this. I've had right hip pain and both my parents agree this was to compensate for that. I've also been doing stretches for a few days but they haven't helped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272 You deserved it 73

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Damn, Apple Worshippers! · 2 February 2026, 12:00

Quibbles

Today, my dad's girlfriend's adult son not only questions, but also mocks and spits on my poor choices in life. All because I got an ROG 9 Pro rather than an iPhone. He claims his iPhone 12 is far more superior, brandishing its features biblically while pointing out the flaws of mine like blasphemy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386 You deserved it 100

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Anonymous · 11 February 2026, 15:00

Bad trip

Today, after I flew 16 hours across the world to see my girlfriend, on the fifth day of the holiday we broke up because she ended up telling me she "can't do distance." After all those hours of flying, we spent the last 3 days in the hotel room mostly crying, and I asked her face to face, "Why did you break me?" She left; I'm broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373 You deserved it 104

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Anonymous · 13 February 2026, 22:00

That was quick

Today, my ex started dating the girl he kept telling me not to worry about. We broke up three hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414 You deserved it 68

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Anonymous · 20 February 2026, 20:00

Not my mistake

Today, I found out that my employers apparently haven't been taking enough money out of my paychecks, and now I owe thousands of dollars in taxes. I already live paycheck to paycheck despite doing nothing but work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457 You deserved it 94

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Anonymous · 4 March 2026, 09:00

Do your own research

Today, after decades of 24/7 cognitive impairment and being made to feel like a hypochondriac by many doctors over the years, I learned I have a severe physical illness. I kept researching and discovered my own illness, found out which test to ask for, and finally showed doctors proof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501 You deserved it 57

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Sneezy weezy · 5 April 2026, 15:00 ·Fontana, United States

Tis the season…

Today, my seasonal allergies are so bad that I can’t function. I have two choices; I can either take Benadryl and be knocked unconscious, or I can take Claritin D but it makes me so jumpy and jittery, I feel like I’m losing my mind. Even the prescription stuff doesn’t work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335 You deserved it 80

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Anonymous · 19 April 2026, 15:00 ·United Kingdom

Get out

Today, my husband threw my brother out for wearing his dressing gown and eating his snacks, saying it was the final straw for his lazy, thieving, unemployed ass. I support my husband obviously, but now my parents are mad at me because my brother moved back in with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438 You deserved it 117

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Jimmyperalta · 28 April 2026, 20:00 ·United States

Mindreader

Today, my girlfriend began bitching about how I never take her on dates anymore. I suggested one for tomorrow and now she says she doesn’t wanna go, because, “I should ask her on a date without her having to ask.” What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 339 You deserved it 307

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Anonymous · 5 May 2026, 15:00 ·United States

Family man

Today, we were planning to go out to dinner at our favorite restaurant. My kids and I were all dressed and ready to go when my husband waltzes in with fast food. He said he found some coupons for a free family meal. The kids and I got upset and he said, "I didn't have to get this for you guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 410 You deserved it 121

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Loss prevention · 14 May 2026, 20:00 ·Virginia Beach, United States

Suspicious activity

Today, I caught a dude acting suspicious in the self checkout at Target and took him to the Loss Prevention office. Turns out he'd paid for everything, and he turned into such a Karen at being "wrongly detained" that I ended up giving him a gift card just to get rid of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 You deserved it 684

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Anonymous · 17 May 2026, 00:00 ·United Kingdom

Good fences make good neighbors?

Today, my neighbour replaced his chain link fence with a nice wood fence. It’s exactly on the property line and it's his fence, not mine, but the property line is only two feet away from my kitchen window, which is now in complete darkness, no light at all, so I need lights on even during the day FML

I agree, your life sucks 393 You deserved it 109

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KANE LIVES · 6 June 2026, 22:00 ·Zurich, Switzerland

Somebody's watching

Today, my son told me he liked a girl, so I asked if they were friends. He said no, he's never spoken to her, but he watches her in class and follows her around. When I told him that was fucking creepy, my wife yelled at me. My kid is a stalker and my wife thinks it's cute. God help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473 You deserved it 72

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Cheated · 13 June 2026, 15:00 ·United States

Winning, so much winning

Today, I won a free year's supply of coffee in a contest. Turns out "a year's supply" meant 12 coupons for small coffees, one per month. The giant ceremonial check they gave me was worth more than the prize. I hope the publicity they got out of me was worth it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418 You deserved it 65

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