Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, I found out my ex was sleeping around with others without a condom. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd walked in on me jerking off, which she said is exactly the same as cheating on her. FML
Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and refused to give me back the condoms I'd just bought. Why? Because she wants to use them with the guys she's been cheating on me with. FML
Today, my girlfriend sent me a revenge video of her having sex with another guy, because I cheated on her. I got angry with her, but later used the video to masturbate. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
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Top comments
Deeno15 0
i don't know one man/guy that doesn't **********
dyld921 2
Couldn't you just **** into tissue papers?
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Comments (163)
atills 0
you don't use condoms with your girlfriend? you better be hoping for a baby. if not i suggest the us
randomchick15 0
At least u were honest.
FrankHotpants 31
So u don't use them for intercourse but you do for man handling the meat saw??.... Condoms...you're doing it wrong.
hopsternak 13
U couldn't walk away from them, really? U absolutely had to stand in front of the a nod talk loudly out to them
Cathrin 26
Maybe it was a corded phone.
the_rad_brad47 18
I get the jerking off part but using condoms?
daemonsparta 16
i fully understand why she misunderstood
oops6663 26
Not tissues, banana peels, or socks?