Whatever it is, it's not enough

Adjusted for inflation

Today, my 7 year-old daughter was counting all the money she made over the weekend from her lemonade stand. She made sixty dollars and said now she has more money than I do. She's right. FML

Broke

Today, a lady I know gave my 3 year-old daughter a little coin purse, saying, "Your mum can put some money in that for you." My daughter responded, "But mummy has no money." I would have laughed, had it not been spot on. FML

Today, my 4-year-old daughter asked me when I was going to be skinny like her daycare lady. FML

Today, my daughter admitted to me that the only reason she's nice to me is because I give her money. She's six. FML

Rip off

Today, I learned that my daughter pocketed the money I'd paid so she could go to college. FML

Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money?

Today, my daughter is mad sulking because she got her first wage today and learned a bunch of new words like national insurance, pension contributions, taxes, automatic student loan repayments, and so on. She actually thought she got to keep ALL the money she earned, and is taking it out on us. FML

Slashing Prices Left and Right!

Today, I tutored a kid for two hours, for $25 an hour. When it came time for them to pay, my mother told the kid's parents that they could give me ten bucks for the whole thing. She does this a lot. FML

Today, my daughter asked me the difference between "their" and "they're". This is the same child I've been spending thousands of dollars on to send to law school. FML

Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML

Stunned silence

Today, my 7 year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of a supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML