Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I kept hearing big *THUD* sounds across the house. The first few times, I didn't think anything of it. But after several more times, I started to suspect there was an intruder. After sneaking through the house, ready to knock out whomever was there, I found out it was my cat pushing things off the table. FML
Today, my cat tried to look outside the window in my room by climbing on top of the air conditioner. It's already rather flimsy, as she had broken the accordions with her clumsiness last year. But this time, she somehow managed to make the AC fall out of the window, and she followed along with it. FML
Today, I was reading on my couch when I noticed my cat trying to escape out of an open window. I leapt up to stop her, but in my panic, I tripped over a coffee table leg, slammed my face into a wall, and knocked over a guitar. My cat, meanwhile, just sauntered down, and went off to the kitchen. FML
Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML
Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML
Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed my pants and called the cops. Turned out it was just my cat being a dickhead in the living room. FML
Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML
Today, I tried to smack a fly that was buzzing around my room. I ended up hitting the wall a little too hard, scaring my cat, who jumped up and ran under the bed, knocking over a lamp. The fly is fine. FML
Today, I thought I heard a nasty storm brewing, even though there was no warning that one would occur. I then realized it was one of my cats, stuck behind a chair and trying to escape with little success. Yes, her escape attempts were that noisy. FML
Today, my apartment has been echoing all day with the wails of my cat, Butters. He's yet again managed to trap himself in the umbrella stand. In the past, he has eventually gotten himself out, but this time I think I might have to use a hacksaw. FML
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Top comments
summerguy97 16
Even when cats are having fun they'll find a way to inadvertently ruin your life.
pandabrr 12
Please record him.
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Comments (178)
rgri 11
Is there a that's awesome option?
Devul143 12
omfg... I never laughed so hard! but.. wow.
LissaMccracken 23
My cat does stupid shit all the time that makes me wanna throw him against the wall repeatedly. But I still love that irritating little shit. FYL for sure.
Asteria13 9
This may honestly be the best FML I've ever read! .... I am also reconsidering the plea to my fiancé about having a cat....
Mrs_Jones_ 3
I use a water spray bottle when my cats or dog does something they shouldn't just throwing it out there it works for me ... Did you happen to get a vid of this ?? I would love the you tube link
piff7 14
I would love to see a video of your cat doing that. If you can set up a camera to record it!
Duceswild99 19
Pics or it didn't happen
skyeyez9 25
I don't have a cat (allergies) but one thing I know about them, is they can literally be anywhere in your house! Example: my dogs are always going to be ground level, or at the most extreme, on my bed. With a cat, it could be on top of your refrigerator, on top of your cabinets, hidden behind some bags on an upper closet shelf, somehow wedge itself under your sink.
knoxxx 22
My cat once ripped a hole in my roommates box spring and chilled up in there for few hours. That hiding spot took us a while to find.
Maycontainnuts 17
I like how you describe your cat as an asshole!
clevercake 21
Best. Cat. Ever.