Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was, if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I rear ended a cop while talking on my cell phone. FML
Today, I had the cops called on me for acting suspiciously. I was using a payphone. FML
Today, I saw someone drive recklessly as if they were drunk. When I called the cops, I got pulled over by another cop for talking on my cell phone. FML
Today, I got pulled over for going a few miles per hour over the speed limit. The cop asked for my license and registration. I happened to look down at my wallet while he was processing everything and saw my license in my wallet. I gave the cop my fake I.D. FML
Today, I was getting groceries and realized at checkout that I forgot my wallet. The cashier gave me a sympathetic look as I frantically tried to unlock my phone to pay with an app, and watched as I accidentally called my ex on speakerphone. FML
Today, a stranger asked to borrow my phone since his had died. As he was using it, he kept walking away and I had to chase him because he was walking too far. He turned around, yelled, "Stop following me, asshole!" and punched me, knocking me out cold. When I came to, I realized the fucker stole my phone. FML
Today, I got pulled over for talking on my phone while driving. I'd lost my phone the day before. He didn’t believe me. So, I got a ticket for talking on a phone I can’t even find. FML
Today, I got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding. When he saw I had something in my pocket, he began to ask if it was a weapon. After arguing for a few minutes I was put in handcuffs. I was too embarrassed to pull the tampon out my pocket. FML
Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He asked for my license and registration, so I reached for my center console. I was then greeted with a gun to my ear because my coffee cup supposedly looked like a gun. I stepped out of my car to apologize, and I was hit with a big stick. FML
Today, I was driving when I noticed that the guy in front was on the phone. I pulled up next to him, pulled out my phone and I made a gesture that he needed to put his phone away. It was a cop. I got a ticket for driving while on my cell phone. FML
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Top comments
Cortezthe1st 23
YDI for drinking underage.
munchie_omnom 10
Go home you're drunk
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Comments (132)
oreoeater 21
The iWallet
dudeperfect101 6
Did you tell him it's because I'm Jewish
inowhtthefoxsays 20
Sorry. Had to put this out there. Most people probably gonna give me the thumbs down but here goes. For all you preachers on this post carrying on about alcohol and what not I would invite you to go to the fridge and grab yourself a huge glass of shut the hell up!! Do what you want as long as you're not hurting anyone else. What's that? It's against the law? Ohh. I see. The same laws written by the corrupt lawyers and politicians that are mostly designed to oppress. Too many examples to list. In America, at 18 one can join the military and be out on the front line to die for whatever "war" we are fighting but I can't buy that person a beer to say thanks? Screw that. Anyone ever hear of prohibition? Yeah how did that work out? More and more states are legalizing pot. Here's a good one. In the state I live in (maryland) it is illegal to have oral sex. Still on the books. Rest assured I will let you break that law every chance I get! Laws are just words. Live and let live and be happy.
homes7d 14
Tell him you have anxiety issues and that you don't like to talk to people
airooh 5
Hahahaaaaa that is just Funny!!
Nickoli42 3
against the law to drive drunk. Also against the law to be drunk in public, IE can't walk home. See the problem here?
rambleramble3 11
It's fine to drink under the age of 21, the US is like the only place who has their age limit that high. Other countries are better with alcohol at younger ages because they have a completely different perspective on alcohol than Americans do.
cremyfrozentreat 11
"What seems to be the officer, problem?"
LuckyDuckie 16
Mate, it's your fault for being illegal.
shotgun_girl 17
Ik he is underage buuut... Drive home- DUI Walk home- Public intoxication
cece23_fml 10
This is the first FML to make me laugh out loud. If I was that policeman I would be in fits!