Today, at my new job, I realized I have been spending too much time with just my cat. As I passed some coworkers in the hall, I nodded and gave them the "slow blink of trust" that is used with cats. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML
Today, same as every morning recently, a neighbour's tabby cat showed up on my balcony. We've developed a routine where I say hello and he sits nearby for a few minutes. During the day, I learned it belongs to the woman I've been awkwardly avoiding in the elevator for two years. The cat likes me more than its owner does. FML
Today, in what was probably a freudian slip, I 'accidentally' sent my boss a text message meant for my therapist, containing an elaborate plan to sneak my cat into the office as my "emotional support animal." My boss replied with a simple "Denied." My dreams of a feline-fueled workspace shattered. FML
Today, I sent my boss a picture of my cat instead of the report I was supposed to send. He replied, "Maybe I should've hired him instead of you." FML
Today, trying to make a good impression and be helpful, I volunteered to look after my manager's cat while she moves house. The cat hasn't stopped meowing since he got here this evening, it's now 4 am and I have work in the morning. FML
Today, I got a promotion. I was really excited until I realized that the only friend I had to celebrate with was my pet cat. FML
Today, I realised that I have a better relationship with my cat than I do with my boyfriend. FML
Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML
Today, I discovered my cat prefers my neighbour. I know this because she posted pictures of him on Instagram, captioned "My new baby." FML
Today, I was pretending a long corridor at work was a catwalk, when a coworker walked out just in time to see me prancing around like an idiot. Now the whole building is laughing about it. FML
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Top comments
Burle 17
Your cat is training you well
emeraldisle 30
There's no such thing as spending too much time with your cat.
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Comments (46)
Greycatsister 12
This post made me grin because I always give my cats the blink of trust. Perhaps I will meet the same fate.
worldclassrager 41
You would do well at a pet shop second job maybe?
cuz803 46
Time for a new activity
swervelol 28
Soon you'll reach the point where you start seeing your co-workers as cats out of the corner of your eye at and you clap or make noises to get their attention
28actress 22
That trick never works with my cat; she attacks me anyways
mezochan 29
I spent so much time around my cats when I was pregnant that my baby purrs when he sleeps. So I feel you, OP.
tigeresscrazy 12
Omg that's just too cute lol
RichardPencil 32
They probably think you have a tic. New nickname coming, Twitchy.
travisinthetrunk 10
I've caught myself doing the slow blink to my baby niece a few times.
DamnGina 3
This. Is. Hilarious!
Lillysar91 20
At least you didn't head bunt your coworkers