Today, after 39 years, I finally managed to stop picking my nails using psychological techniques I read about. Several months in, I'm actually using nail clippers like a normal person. Naturally, one nail grew in wrong, and now I have a painful ingrown nail on the index finger of my dominant hand. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I finally kicked my awful nail-biting habit. All it took was a fractured jaw. I haven't been able to chew anything for two weeks. FML
Today, I was with a wedding party getting manicures. I absentmindedly used a freshly-painted nail to pick my nose and ended up with two beauticians scraping indestructible bright red gel varnish out of my left nostril with acetone soaked q-tips, while everyone sat waiting in complete silence. FML
Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the whole thing somehow ripped right out. I'm in agony. FML
Today, I now know how it feels to have a splinter of wood hammered a full inch underneath your fingernail. FML
Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML
Today, I got a new set of acrylic nails put on. While driving home, I had an urge to pick my nose. My car then went over a speed-bump. I now feel like my brain is bleeding. FML
Today, I was informed by my mother that my extremely long pinky fingernail could probably get me mistaken for a coke addict. My fingernails grow uncontrollably fast, and my pinky nail is completely natural. It just happens to grow much longer than the others. Imagine explaining that to a cop. FML
Today, the skin-picking disorder that I’ve had under control for a long time came back with a vengeance. I’m ashamed and embarrassed of how I look now, but the worst part was realizing that the time I spent picking was the most I’ve enjoyed anything in years. FML
Today, I was looking at myself in the mirror and tried to touch my face. Unfortunately I have Tourette's, so my hand just uncontrollably slammed into my cheek, consequently jamming one of my fingernails into it. It started bleeding like crazy. My fingernails aren't exactly long, either… that's how hard it hit. FML
Today, the woman giving me a manicure found a booger under one of my fingernails. FML
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