Today, I was sitting at a bus stop reading a book when out of the corner of my eye I spotted a middle-aged lady in a leopard-skin coat stumble up to me. She stopped, belched twice, and unleashed a torrent of red wine colored vomit onto my bag. It was 8:45 am. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was sitting on the bus when a large woman with what seemed like the flu came to sit beside me. After snorting hideously for five minutes, she picked up her scarf, blew her nose into it, and dropped it. It fell on my lap. When I stood up to leave the bus, there were streaks of snot on my new skirt. FML
Today, I was in the bus on my way home. I was reading a book, and drops of something were getting all over it. It was the man sitting next to me who was asleep and drooling. FML
Today, a woman got on the bus wearing extremely strong perfume and sat in the seat in front of me. The gentleman I was sitting next to began violently sneezing, so much so that he eventually sneeze-vomited all over my lap and backpack. FML
Today, I was on an early flight home after a night of drinking. I was sat in my seat when I started feeling sweaty and nauseous. I grabbed the puke bag and started gagging, then puking, and a really loud fart came out. Everyone heard it. The attendant switched me seat to sit alone. FML
Today, I was taking the bus back to my university campus, having left work early feeling sick. While on the bus I started retching. I managed to hold it in for a while, but as I stood up to get off the bus, I started puking through my mouth and nose. This was in front of twenty other passengers. FML
Today, I was teaching when I saw a student leave her chair and brazenly head for the door. I clapped her on the shoulder and said, "Going somewhere, miss?" She vomited all over my pants. FML
Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML
Today, I took a 40 minute bus ride home from work. The first 20 minutes were spent listening to the drunk man behind me moan uncontrollably and belch. The last 20 minutes were spent trying to ignore the vomit he left on my back as he got up to leave. FML
Today, I took the train home. When seated, I suddenly noticed something wet on my seat. Without looking, I thought it was water since it was snowing outside. Guess again. It was vomit. FML
Today, some woman, sick with god knows what, didn’t vomit into the bin next to my car, or even just onto the floor, she lurched over to my car and vomited through my open window onto my shirt and legs, and down into the footwell. I can still smell it. FML
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Top comments
Argumental_Rhino 8
What the **** is wrong with people these days, sorry for that OP.
RagingWill 17
Oh God. She found out about "YOLO"..
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Comments (79)
Argumental_Rhino 8
What the **** is wrong with people these days, sorry for that OP.
Welshite 40
*sighs* Dignity has gone the way of chivalry.
the_anti_hipster 7
Yep, sounds like a great night. Was her name Lindsey Lohan, by chance?
Enslaved 38
You consider Lindsey Lohan middle age? Haha I guess she hasn't aged well in your eyes.
annie_nk 23
Have you SEEN Lohan lately? She looks beyond middle aged.
easyprey 8
Somebody probably let snookie out of her cage.
SeahorseGuy 7
The first plane hit the South Tower around this time--8:45AM---11 years ago today. I think being thrown up on by a cougar is about the equivalent..
irockusuck123 3
She partied
thejewishfuhrer 17
The party never stops for some people.
IscoreOnU 19
2- Hard
thgiL 9
Sounds like the perfect end of a night.
rocklare18 7
Vomit back at her god damn it, teach her a lesson
THE_A_TEEN 28
^You ruined the thread, Dick.
IQWasJustLowered 0
Ain't no party like a pewdiepie party.
Clioo_fml 17
I would not like to know where she spent the night...
PYLrulz 17
Not at a Holiday Inn, that's for sure
COOL__Coal 12
It could have been a holiday inn if Chingy was there.
greenie213 23
At least it wasn't... Never mind. That just sucks!
amandajlucas2015 2
I'd love to know how this person deserved this misfortune
PYLrulz 17
Someone will come up with some bullshit about how one shouldn't be out at 8:45 in the morning, and that nothing good happens at that time
gc327072 31
Despite the fact that thats when EVERYBODY goes to work.
PYLrulz 17
The sad thing is, someone out there is probably dumb enough to try and make that argument
TheDrifter 24
And some of us will YDI it for taking public transit. City busses are disgusting.
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
Not everyone can afford their own car and have no other choice.
PYLrulz 17
Drifter, when I go out to Philadelphia or Baltimore for sports events, I take public transit. Hell of a lot cheaper than paying the 10 or 15 bucks to park
iseyixes 18
Put the bag on her head.
ydi_4_suking 20
throw her ass out the bus too
ambowew 7
#20, I have this weird feeling that they weren't on the bus yet. I'm sure it's just my imagination, though. No doubt you can have a bus stop inside said bus.
ydi_4_suking 20
Haha I could have sworn I read the fml correctly
lovepandorasaver 11
So thats what streaming torrents means... the wine must of been illegally downloaded and needed to be returned.
CoconutOil 7
She probably went through the hash files all ready too!
BunchieRules 31
Maybe she had too many cookies... gotta love these nerd jokes!
eternal7 6
Either way, the situation mega bites
court_f 8
Sounds like a classy lady.... Sigh. =
AH1Zviper 15
This is why it isn't safe to take the bus. Keep working, save up some money, get a car. Problem solved. And then you find this lady's address, show up in a panther skin coat and shit on her doorstep.
gracehi 33
*holds up a bottle of Guinness beer* BRILLIANT!
SenselessPattern 12
*Takes beer and smashes both of you on the head with it* Not quite, but good try. Believe it or not, getting a car and keeping up with it isn't as easy as you make it sound.
gracehi 33
My goodness! My Guinness! *punches you in the face, knocking you to the ground, then kicks you in the gut*
SenselessPattern 12
*croaks out* I got your beer at least! DocBastard.....need......help.....
Dracoboxer357 36
^ *Gives a standing ovation* Brava, brava! :') *Tosses roses* *Tosses beer.* *Tosses left shoe.* *Tosses pants.* ......Think I'm good now. :P
AH1Zviper 15
And it's turned to madness.
AH1Zviper 15
Now a part of the comments section has turned into a imaginary bar fight over the Internet. My sincere apologies to the FML community for my inappropriate comment and the hell I've unleashed.
RagingWill 17
Oh God. She found out about "YOLO"..