Today, while working at a nursing home, I was alone in the station and figured I could sneak one out. It wound up being very loud, and I could hear the faint snickering of a patient in the next room. Every time he saw me for the rest of the day he would burst out laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML
Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumbs-up. FML
Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and I ended up singing to myself. After I proudly finished, there was a short silence, followed by a coworker in the next stall saying, "Um... don't quit the day job, Rick." I'll never live this down. FML
Today, I was asleep and snored so loud that I woke myself up. I was at work and I am now the laughing stock of the office. FML
Today, I was working at my desk and wearing my new noise cancelling headphones. I couldn’t hear anyone around me, so I let out a nice long fart. Every desk behind me was occupied and the fart was not silent. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at work, humming to myself while scrolling through memes. I started laughing and I said out loud, “You’re so stupid” to my phone. Someone in the next stall said, “Excuse me?” and I had to fake a cough and flush just to escape. FML
Today, I was working overnight with a handful of coworkers, one who has a reputation for being very quiet. He and I were alone when he suddenly burst into a beautiful folk song. When I told the others what happened, he pretended he didn't know what I was talking about, and now they think I'm nuts. FML
Today, I sneezed so hard at work that I farted. In the silence in our open space office that followed, my boss looked over, smiled, and said, "Bless you?" The people in the office who weren't wearing headphones burst out laughing, then those people noticed the laughter, took their headphones off, and my boss then had to explain to them why they were laughing. FML
Today, I was nervously observing a delicate medical procedure while training at my new job. I tried to stifle a sneeze and instead (as you can probably guess) ripped the biggest, most cartoonishly loud fart of my life. My ass sounded like a tuba and I was asked to leave the room. FML
Today, at work, I was caught picking my nose, on camera, in an elevator. The security guard stopped me on my way out of the building to tell me how funny it was. FML
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Top comments
Sarah K. Oller 2
they're not patients in a nursing home, they're residents
Tripartita 45
"Today, I realized I'm so deprived of human interaction and quality comedy that simply seeing somebody whom I earlier witnessed farting is enough to send me into uncontrollable laughter. Please help. FML"
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Comments (29)
Gladriele 3
Here I am thinking he meant wank
Colon_Man 17
The old man probably lets a little one go every time he giggles.
dabomsht123 3
Thought u was talking about jerking off.
worthypegram1 13
My first thought was masturbation.. lol
CastaP 12
Wauw, work on your choice of words, way too many people thought you rubbed one out ?
Grapesnake5523 6
Probably a redneck
chighy 8
I thought you meant sneak a person out and I was very confused.
Wormgod 10
Why would you ********** at work?
aragmir 13
And here I was trying to word it nicely, lol! I know "rub one out" is slang for fap but never figured "sneak one out" would be so gravely misinterpreted. Oh well, joke's on me once more I guess xD He doesn't snicker anymore tho so it's cool now.
Sarah K. Oller 2
they're not patients in a nursing home, they're residents