Today, while standing completely still at Walmart, I was hit by a drunk man on a Jazzy Scooter. He laughed, said it was an accident, gunned the scooter and took out two more people. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at Walmart. A guy in a mobility scooter bumped into me, then told me to "get the fuck out of the way." When I told him to watch his mouth, he got up and shoved me into a shelf. Just a few minutes prior, he'd yelled that he was paralyzed from the waist down. FML
Today, after just returning to work from recovering from an e-scooter crash, a man raced through a red light on his e-scooter while I was crossing the road, and nearly collided with me. If I hadn’t frozen in place, he absolutely would have. FML
Today, a drunk in a wheelchair tried to fight me. I walked away as he kept hurling insults. He then rammed his chair into my legs, making me fall. I walked away again. Upon the second time, I got up and punched him dead in his face, knocking him backward. I was tackled to the ground for hitting him. FML
Today, I was riding an electric scooter on my way to work when a car sped out of a driveway and hit me. Not only did I end up in hospital, but I missed my job on the second day back. FML
Today, I was the victim of a drive-by pissing by some drunken loon on a segway. FML
Today, I blacked out while riding my electric scooter. Luckily, I was quickly jolted awake when my chin hit the tarmac. FML
Today, at work at a store, I was sitting on the floor stocking a bottom shelf. A woman in a motorized cart did not see me, and ran over my hand. When I alerted her about what she had done she laughed. FML
Today, I went to Walmart with my Dad, and he decided to kick me in the butt while I was walking. When I went to kick him back, I hit my own leg out from beneath myself and landed on my face. The most embarrassing thing was that the people who saw all started clapping. FML
Today, I was at work at Walmart, casually walking in the middle of the store, when my foot caught on something, so I went flying forward and yelled, being caught off guard, to the point I had to pretend I was running for 3 seconds, then someone blocked my path so I suddenly had to stop. Everyone was staring at me. FML
Today, I was in Walmart on a motorized cart and got stuck on a clothing rack next to a super hot guy. Panicking, I said "I just had surgery, I'm a new driver." After failing to get myself unstuck he had to pull the clothes rack and I apart. FML
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Top comments
Heeeerroin 5
Honestly thought it said Jizzy...
smdthinks 0
I'd expect nothing less from walmart shoppers.
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Comments (123)
bossroyd 4
I'm sorry OP, but Walmart is a dangerous place and we have to go in at our own risk
TicklingIsFun 0
I went to walmart at black Friday. It was hell within a hell within a hell.
G97Alex 21
Hellception O.O
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19
Would that still be considered drunk driving?
cduran2011 6
If the key is in the ignition, then yeah. Mall cop!
Savra_fml 17
A "hit and run" charge could also be applied, no?
rexgar2000 10
only if it's a motor operated vehicle. like a scooter with a motor then yeah.
docscientist 10
You can get it for riding a bicycle while drunk.
meeeeoooww 0
I feel sorry for the scooter
Savra_fml 17
Follow him around the store quietly whispering the old Chinese curse "May you come to the attention of those in authority" at him. PS. Your name is "skidmark". Does this imply how scared you were?
cduran2011 6
Skidmark? Haha. Change your underwear, bro.
ninjuh_wingman 29
Why were you standing completely still at Walmart?
amanda_say_whutt 9
Maybe he was in line paying for something ?
THE_A_TEEN 28
Someone took Fast and the Furious to a whole new elderly level.
starrnao 15
Poor OP! Walmart is a decent store, however some of the most peculiar people shop there.
shaolinshogun 0
that's what you get for shopping at Walmart
THE_A_TEEN 28
Oh dear me, then how am I supposed to survive in this economy with wal-mart actually having low prices?
marpay 11
I love Walmart. Where else can you go grocery shopping in the middle of the night?
xSorry_fml 10
I was standing in front of walmart then I took an arrow to the knee.
cduran2011 6
I got detention yesterday for punching a kid who said a "then I took an arrow to the knee" joke. haha.
THE_A_TEEN 28
I would have liked your comment, but I went back to Karkand.
cduran2011 6
...dear god.
DocBastard 40
Can I appeal to the Mighty FML Deity to erase all "arrow to the knee" comments, followed by immediate testicular/ovarian removal with extreme alacrity?
THE_A_TEEN 28
Go for it Doc.
marpay 11
The almighty docbastard has spoken. Let his will be done.