Today, while half asleep, I dipped my finger in ketchup instead of a fry, and bit down on it so hard I needed stitches. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I accidentally bit so hard on my fork that I cracked my tooth. FML
Today, while brushing my teeth half asleep, I stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush, toothpaste included. FML
Today, as I was trying to remove my lunch from the hot oven tray, my finger brushed against the metal for a moment, and I instinctively put it in my mouth. I burnt my tongue, on my finger. I didn't realize that was possible. FML
Today, I went to the dentist. She put a spongy thing on my teeth and told me to bite. Her finger was there, so I was confused and… I accidentally bit her finger. FML
Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML
Today, I was eating a bag of chips when one of the pieces broke off into a sharp point and when I chewed it, it stabbed into my gums. When I got up to wash the blood out of my mouth, I hit my big toe on my desk corner. FML
Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML
Today, at the orthodontist, the nurse was checking my teeth. She asked me a question while her finger was in my mouth, and when I stupidly tried to reply, I bit her finger. FML
Today, while grabbing a husk of corn out of the boiling hot pot, I splashed hot water on my neck, dropped the corn on my injured toe, and cut myself on the counters, all while my family laughed at my pain. FML
Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML
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Top comments
Anika_09 17
I bet the ER staff loved the story...
MossyMegaMan 20
How, why... And also how??
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Comments (43)
ztodaro 25
nice.
freddygasman 18
have you ever heard the saying "don't bite the hand that feeds you."? you might want to live by that one from here on out.
dasmarra 9
I imagine the doctor going "Holy shit he's bleeding like hell!!"
pstackz 14
just one question... how sharp are your teeth?
babyblueyes 27
Half asleep, lol yeah a lot of people were "half asleep" on 4/20. You took the meaning of "munchies" to a new level.
ertyert101 10
You're lucky, you can bite your finger in half with as much ease as biting a carrot in half, but your brain doesn't let you.
trucker2 33
Heaven forbid if your playmate ever attempt anything in your slumber
Vipera_fml 7
While reading this FML, I just happened to be listening to 'Stitches' by Shawn Mendes haha. But seriously, FYL. I've been in that situation of extreme sleep deprivation before. While studying I was eating carrots and I was so tired instead of biting a carrot, I bit into my pen and got ink all in my mouth.
Phat_Tony 10
are you still tired???
BionicIce 9
Sounds like something I would do, well you could bite your finger as easy as a carrot but your brain stops you