Today, while eating a Subway sandwich, I was watching a comedian on TV. As he said his signature line, I laughed hysterically and accidentally snorted a jalapeño into my nose. I spent the next 5 minutes trying to snort out the little piece that got lodged into my nostril. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I sneezed hard while eating some quite spicy potato chips at my friend's house. Some of the chips passed to the nasal cavity, and I ended up having to pick my nose for some pointy, spicy chips shrapnel. FML
Today, one of my nostrils became completely blocked. At lunch time, I went out to my car to dig into my nose. When I finished, I held up the cornflake sized booger in victory. I noticed too late that my boss was in a car adjacent to me, shooting me a horrified look. FML
Today, while eating a BLT sandwich, I unexpectedly sneezed a lump of bacon up the back of my nose. It has just taken 6 hours of unpleasantness to snort the lump back out. Not how I wanted to spend my day off. FML
Today, I laughed so hard at a joke that I snorted, which caused me to choke on my Coke, which then caused me to fall off my chair. The joke wasn’t even that funny. FML
Today, after stopping to pick up dinner at a fast food joint, I got a nosebleed. I immediately reached into the bag to grab napkins and began stuffing them up my nose, only to find out too late that a mustard packet had burst in the bag. FML
Today, I was sucking on a Tic Tac. Just as I was starting to get into it, the Tic Tac suddenly shot down my throat. After a minute of coughing and gagging, it came back up… out my left nostril. FML
Today, I was talking to my crush when I laughed so hard that I snorted. Then I tried to play it cool by saying, "I do that on purpose sometimes." Now he probably thinks I fake-snort for fun. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Today, I sneezed while eating a bowl of soup. As I did, a glob of carrot shot out of my nose like a missile, and I couldn’t stop laughing. My boyfriend, who was sitting across from me, wasn’t so amused when the glob splashed all over his white shirt. He’s now mad at me for “ruining his only smart shirt.” FML
Today, my 2 year-old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML
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Top comments
Fredzter 0
HAHAHAHAHA!! That is brilliant!! xD
Vasir 2
This one time i accidently did that to a macoroni and cheese noodle. i sneezed out the noodle. It still had cheese..
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Comments (88)
tgfoo 0
Depends on which comic you were watching. For instance, if you laughed when Larry the Cable Guy said "git 'er done" then you definitely deserve it.
BreezyPear 0
Who was the comedian?
blueknight1st 26
Let me guess, Git Er Done, right? Retard. YDI.
xXmoses_rocksXx 0
Dude, sorry to hear you got a jalapeno pepper up your nose, but that was pretty ******* funny. Was the comedian Dane Cook, by any chance :) If it was, then I completely understand your dilemna. haha
skullbuster 0
I reserve judgment until I know which comedian.
jakejohn 0
Here's your sign
SusanaSaysRawrxD 0
Hahh. Was it Dane Cook? XD you were eating a 5 dollar foot long, eh?at least it wasn't the /other/ type of five dolla foot longs. (:
pericolo 0
same thing happened to my friend with a peice of watermelon
mark_my_words 0
So ******* what? Dumbest fml i've read in a long time
cstevanus 4
getting food stuck up there can be painful and very uncomfortable. especially a jalepeno. you are a douche.
terkwashere 0
YDI. Most actual funny comedians don't have signature lines. YDIx5 if it was Larry the Cable Guy.