Today, trying to be romantic, I started coming on to my wife while in bed, only for her to yet again say she wasn't in the mood. When I asked why she never is lately, she sarcastically blamed it on the government shutdown, then rolled over to go to sleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, for the third time this week, I came home to my wife asleep in bed, her pants down, and her vibrator in her hand. She keeps refusing sex because she "isn't in the mood" and insists there's nothing wrong. To rub salt in the wound, I bought her the vibrator as a gift, hoping to spice things up. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, when the power went out, my wife said it was too bad we couldn't have sex by candlelight since she had just started her period. The only time she brings up sex is when we can't do it. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML
Today, my fiancee told me she felt horny and was excited for bed, then got mad when I seemed indifferent. I'd be more interested if she didn't constantly wind me up by talking about sex, then get cold feet the second we're alone. FML
Today, my wife accused me of using her for sex. I'd only just admitted to her two days ago that I've been struggling to get it up to try and perform, after a hospital stay and a month of almost no sexual contact. FML
Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML
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Top comments
logic368 8
Man, errbody gettin cockblocked by the government...
raininginseattle 9
Congrats #2. You must be getting screwed by the government instead.
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Comments (195)
itooamscrewed 10
If you want your wife to sleep with you, you need to be nice in and out of the bedroom. If you don't pull your weight around the house, or if you're selfish in bed, we are not going to want to sleep with you. And yes we will use sarcasm if you're too dumb to figure it out if it's for obvious reasons
BrutalnHonestbro 7
*You will use sarcasm. The rest of us? We can all speak for ourselves. I would never take an abusive verbal jab at my husband with passive-aggressive, and sarcastic statements.
pfft123 14
Four options here: She's cheating, she's really not in the mood because something is stressing her out, she is "blackmailing" you for something she wants... or you need to please her more and do little sweet things for her instead of trying to get to the point. A woman will always do everything if she is pleased before :)
Armadillos 1
Perhaps you're just ugly.
Aimskool 10
should be blaming obama
DanielRamirez 10
Thanks obama
Redadreadhead22 3
naw the government has nothing to do with it lol
Cassikin 2
If your wife hasn't been in the mood lately trying to have sex again isn't romantic. Most likely there's a forgotten promise, or not enough romantic attention or some other issue. Ask her if anything has been bugging her lately and if you can help. From your post I'm guessing you've most likely been romantically neglectful......take her out for a nice meal, just the two of you, surprise her with flowers or some small appropriate gift and do an activity during a week or so. This will probably solve your problems. *TMI from here on* Also nearly 25% of women have issues orgasming during sex, so she might not be getting as much out of sex as you are. If she normally fakes her ******, she might be putting in a lot of effort, and you get a lot of benefit, but she doesn't get so much so maybe offer oral or something so she gets as much, or more out of it than you do, let it be about her for a change. Also might be tmi, but high stress absolutely KILLS my libido, during finals etc. I'm not even interested in making out, if I were to have a boyfriend at the time I'd make an attempt, but I won't be getting all that much out of it, and lets put it this way, if we were to have sex, it's uncomfortable to painful for me, boring and it's sticky, I have to clean up afterwards, I get no pleasure out of it whatsoever, and I have to participate and try not to look bored. Not exactly 'romantic', especially considering he'd probably fall asleep in my sticky bed while I went to shower, and then I'd come back and have a gross bed to sleep in........It's fine when you're getting an ****** or some pleasure out of it, but when you're not, it's a rather thankless chore. ROMANCE!!! tl;dr: SEX DOES NOT EQUAL ROMANCE, MAKING HER HOT CHOCOLATE WITH MARSHMALLOWS, ORDERING HER FAVOURITE TAKEOUT AND CLEANING UP AFTERWARDS IS ROMANTIC.
jennycoral 12
What a pickle... I think I would want my future husband coming onto me every night, I hope you both figured something out!
Hiding_from_you 2
What a boring wife.