Today, taking the train to work after the worst hangover ever, two immense fat women start talking about rim jobs. I got up to switch cabins just in time for their conversation to switch over to RECEIVING rim jobs. I sprayed puke all over myself and an innocent bystander. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was sitting on the train wondering what that putrid smell was. As I got off the train I realized there was vomit all over the back of my seat. FML
Today, I took a 40 minute bus ride home from work. The first 20 minutes were spent listening to the drunk man behind me moan uncontrollably and belch. The last 20 minutes were spent trying to ignore the vomit he left on my back as he got up to leave. FML
Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML
Today, I threw up on the subway. Luckily, because I hadn’t eaten all week, it was just the seven pints of beer I'd had previously chugged. FML
Today, I was on a train when I felt the unsettling urge to vomit. I ran to the toilet, but there was someone in there, with another waiting in the corridor. Out of time, and luck, I projectile-vomited into a bin built into the wall. The man waiting for the toilet looked truly traumatised. FML
Today, I took the train home. When seated, I suddenly noticed something wet on my seat. Without looking, I thought it was water since it was snowing outside. Guess again. It was vomit. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, I was on an early flight home after a night of drinking. I was sat in my seat when I started feeling sweaty and nauseous. I grabbed the puke bag and started gagging, then puking, and a really loud fart came out. Everyone heard it. The attendant switched me seat to sit alone. FML
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Top comments
enclosedrose226 0
Today, i was on the train and two fat women were amusing me by exchanging sex stories, when this ugly ass stanger beside me leaned over and threw up all over me. FML
maiden_girl 5
Big girls need love too... lol.
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Comments (50)
jdwmoore22 2
a medal for a fallen brother
snazzymcwho 21
YDI that's public transportation bro. suck it up cupcake.
MathIsStupid 11
I had. Food. In my mouth. While reading this... Ugh, how is it that a Chewy bar can taste different after this nastiness. Ugh.
SBurrke 11
Seriously though OP grow up, big people need lovin too.