I don't think it makes him a jerk. Personally I think it's an FML for him as well, considering what he (or she considering the gender of OP isn't stated) probably went through up until this point. They have probably just made the hardest decision of their life, and I don't envy them for being in that position. I'm just sorry that OP had to get hurt in all this.

#32_I totally agree with your comment. It really does suck for BOTH of them....

#32_I totally agree with your comment. It really does suck for BOTH of them....

No he's still a jerk. That's like marrying someone and then telling them you're in love with someone else. It's a situation that can easily be avoided if the person voices his/ her doubts BEFORE the wedding.

If you're trying to force yourself to be straight for whatever reason, nothing is as simple as some of the commenters are trying to make it out to be. Unless you are gay yourself, chances are you have absolutely no idea what it can be like.

The fact that he's an ass hole has nothing to do with his homosexuality. You don't wake up one morning and discover that you're gay. This is obviously something he's known about, or at least suspected, for a long time but he didn't tell OP about it until AFTER their wedding. He obviously wasn't thinking about her feelings at all. He wasn't sure, so rather than risk losing OP in the event he decided he wanted her, he decided to keep his options open and just go through the motions of getting married until HE made up his mind. Poor OP, on the other hand, was not consulted in the possibility that her marriage may turn out to simply be test for him, and now her heart is broken. Just because homosexuals may face discrimination and adversity, doesn't give them a pass to completely disregard the feelings of others.

Sorry for the gender assumptions, by the way. It was easier to write by just assigning each person a gender rather than keep it ambiguous.

Actually it can take years and years to realise that you are not heterosexual. Just like straight people can get crushes and brief sexual attractions to the same sex, the same thing can happen to gay people for the opposite sex, which makes figuring out your sexuality even more confusing. Chances are, he wasn't lying to her, but trying to lie to himself, and people can get very very good at lying to themselves. Look how so many gay people have managed to have children with their opposite sex spouses, before either coming out or realising that they are gay. It's easy to misdiagnose repressed homosexual urges/lack of attraction to your opposite sex spouse as any plenty of other sexual hang ups like erectile disfunctions and so on. As for disregarding her feelings, guilt and not wanting to hurt her may have been what made him not break things off sooner. Human sexuality isn't simple, and if you think it's just a case of OP's husband/wife being a manipulative asshole, then you are probably oversimplifying an extremely complicated situation that has probably been percolating over years.

Yeah, I know it can take years to figure out one's sexuality. That's basically what I said. And that's all the more reason OP's husband or wife is an inconsiderate ass hole. He's clearly had doubts about his relationship with OP for a long time, but he waited until they "just got married" to say anything. He/ she didn't suddenly realize they're not attracted to OP. Do you really think heterosexual people don't get confused about what they really want / who they want to marry? This sort of thing isn't a homosexual issue. Regardless of the reason, he wasn't sure he wanted to marry OP but he did it anyway, and now OP's heartbreak is that much deeper. Shit, he didn't even have to tell her he was gay if that's what he was worried about. He could have just told her, "I'm sorry, but I'm not sure if we should get married. I don't know if I can love you the way you need me to" or something like that. Yeah, it would have been hard, but that's where personal strength and integrity come in. I agree that there was no way OP could have been spared heartbreak in this situation, but this jerk did the absolute worst thing possible aside from dragging out the marriage even longer.

#75, I think OP's husband/wife was just confused as hell and thought s/he had a chance of happiness, so they just took it … and that's when they realised all was wrong. Maybe they thought they were bi. I'm sure they didn't mean to hurt OP and they were sure to be in love with the OP. I'm gay and it happened to me. I did not marry them nor had a relationship with them but I was just like in love with them and a lot confused because I've never liked girls. Hope it makes sense. I clearly think it's more of a F*ck both their lives.

Yeah, but like you said, you didn't even date her, much less marry her. I can understand being confused and dating the wrong person, but MARRYING the wrong person??? Getting married isn't something you do when you're confused. It's what you do when you're certain you want to be with someone. The only way I could forgive OP's spouse in this situation would be if he/she had no inkling that he/she was gay, or if he/she didn't suspect they weren't genuinely attracted to OP until after they were married. I've never heard of anything like that happening before, at least not after the couple had "just gotten married." Maybe this person didn't mean to hurt OP, but what he/she did was still ******* stupid and way beyond inconsiderate, and now it's OP paying the price for his/her mistake.

gracehi- YES!! Somebody gets it! It's not about justifying the spouse's actions with the hardships of being homosexual, it's about NOT getting married when they are UNSURE, to avoid further unnecessary pain.

Dammit. The comment I replied to got deleted. Move along, people. Nothing to see here.

The comment I really replied to got deleted.

Shit, that guy's so rich, I'd say, "Ah well, do as you please then. Just as long as can have a boyfriend and a cut of the cash."