Today, my husband and I worked together on a very difficult yard project. Afterwards, I thanked him and offered him a special treat. He was disappointed to find I meant sex, not cookies. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my husband that I didn't feel like sex. He said, "Funny, I didn't feel like driving to the store for your milkshake earlier, or digging up the flowerbed, or deep cleaning your car, but I did all that to make you happy. Don't I deserve a little reciprocation?" Jesus Christ, I married an asshole. FML
Today, I had two surprises for my boyfriend who was at work. One was a dessert and the other was sexy lingerie. He chose the dessert. Then told me I was an idiot. FML
Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML
Today, my coworker had been distraught over not being able to keep his dog after his divorce, so trying to be sweet, I'd ordered a specially-made stuffy that looked like it. I put it on his desk with a note and cookies. He thought I was mocking him and threw the plate at me. FML
Today, my husband put "sexual favors" on the memo line for my contractor's check. His wife saw it and he had to quit mid-job. I'm stuck with a half-finished house and my husband thinks it's funny. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex Tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was naked and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML
Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Today, as I watched my boyfriend bake cookies, I said he was "domesticated." He looked at me like I'd just pissed on his mother's grave and has been cold and distant all evening. What the fuck? It's a compliment, you dick. FML
Today, I surprised my wife with some new lingerie for our upcoming anniversary, thinking she would like it. Instead of a thank you, I got an ungrateful attitude from her instead. FML
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Top comments
slick5880 22
Can't you do both?
Brelywi 15
So bake the man some cookies, woman!
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Comments (248)
HannahWho 8
I have to agree with your husband. How is it a treat to have to do more physical labor after you are tired? I would want something delicious to eat since humans, you know, run off food. Cookies are a special treat, sex is something you do with the person you love for more reasons than they did yard work for you. Also, sex isn't really a reward when he has been getting it for free for how ever long. You make no effort in sex, while cookies take work and he knows you are thinking of him.
AmbrosiaWriter 17
Wow, people ripping her apart for her choice of phrase. I doubt she uses sex as a reward system for her husband like one would use biscuits for a dog. I've heard people talk in euphemisms all the time, the most common one I hear for sex is "a treat" or a "surprise" even if it's not a treat (as in a reward for something) or a surprise (since, you know, you would hope your partner would pick up on it.) Would all of you be so uppity about it if she had said "a surprise?" I doubt it. Stop getting so caught up in the semantics. Jeez.
miZscrZee 0
Put the cookies between your own goodies!(;
ganjaone 2
Some husband he is. You're stuck with that mess for the rest of ur life!
mouammarkadhafi 0
Cookies > sex
fuqsam 5
By cookie maybe he meant ur 'cookie'
d3sigN8t3dDruNk 1
Thats cause SEX shouldnt be a special treat. It should be a normal routine. Couples that dont have sex never get along. Its HEALTHY for the relationship.
SoultheWolf 19
If you and him have sex often I can see what he means. My fiance and I have sex regulary but I don't bake often, so I wouldn't consider sex as a reward.
superguppy19 3
When my friends and I say cookies we mean sex so I win!!
cherryllollo 7
sex shouldnt be a special treat...