Today, my friend snuck up on me and yelled, "Gotcha!" I screamed and dropped a gallon of blood-red paint on my new, white kitchen floor. Now it looks like I've murdered someone in my kitchen. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML
Today, while painting a wall, I handed a bucket of paint up to my friend who was standing on the top rung of a ladder. She said she felt dizzy, and came crashing down on me, along with the paint on my head. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
Today, I found out the hard way that you shouldn't try to open a can of paint with a screwdriver. The lid flew off, and my kitchen floor now looks like an abstract art painting, which I could probably call, "Various blue splodges on wood canvas." FML
Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML
Today, I caught a falling jar in the kitchen with one hand and I felt like an action hero. In celebrating, I yelled, “Did you see that?!” The jar then slipped out of my hand, smashed onto the floor, and splattered sauce all over me. My roommate flipped me the finger and left me to clean up. FML
Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML
Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML
Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML
Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it, and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML
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Top comments
StrawberryPiez_ 0
why the hell do you have blood red paint for anyways,? fyl
haleyneal 0
probably to paint the walls *sarcastic tone*
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Comments (112)
morbidsweet 0
Lmao X) But ah, that sucks. Hope that shit comes off for ya.
sublime93 0
...But you didn't murder someone in there, so what's the problem?
the_stereotype 0
i feel for you, but i won't lie...if i was your friend...i would get some police tape and make the body outline thing just for kicks while you were out
dudeitsdanny 10
48- But she did murder someone. The FML is just the official story
kieran247 0
you should keep it and scare people that cone over xD
Gisellee 0
damn. FYL
StrawberryPiez_ 0
why the hell do you have blood red paint for anyways,? fyl
haleyneal 0
probably to paint the walls *sarcastic tone*
Watchmaker 2
Wow, that sucks.
Htownmichigan 0
Haha fyl.
iDemonChild 0
What were you doing with blood red paint anyways? And why did you take off the cap before you went to the place where you were painting???
demonic562 0
fyl
cookiexcookie 0
it can't b cleaned no?
ZuRG_fml 7
razor scraper?
Englishrose 0
Not really a FML though, it's marble, the paint will of just wiped straight off, and even if you left it, you could still wipe it straight off with a cleaning solution. Now if you had of dropped it on your carpet, that would of been a FML
toyota_fml 0
i feel she was intending on creating a crime scene
screwtaylor 0
It also may look like you had your period, but you didn't notice that you were leaking all over the house. http://www.spatcave.com/vktrs/mDSC00324.jpg I bet your floors look so artistic now. Start splattering maybe some blue and green, that'll go nice with the red.
toyota_fml 0
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA I DIDNT THINK I COULD BE PERIOD HAHAHA GOOD ONE
minkledoo22 0
..........EEEWW.... lol
the_stereotype 0
FYL if you bleed a gallon of blood when you have your period
AAAAHHHH12 2
If you bled a gallon of blood on your period, you'd be dead I believe.
RadioOctopus 16
periods only bleed a little not ecen enough to cover a tshirt in the whole week. and blood dries brown.
zarosian 17
Stfu