Today, my dad's work phone went off, and I thought I should go tell him since he's on call. Turns out no matter how you do it, a 47 year old man at one in the morning will think you are a burglar trying to attack him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said, "Is your dad home?" I replied, "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says, "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML
Today, I was playing with my phone after midnight, and I kept getting calls from a withheld number. The guy just breathed heavily and wouldn't speak. When the third call came, I asked, "Who the hell are you?" The call ended, and my dad yelled from outside my door, "ME! Now go to sleep!" FML
Today, I was in a store parking lot when I got a text from an unknown number saying, "I see you, I know what you did last summer, you wicked little shit." I freaked out and looked around in a panic. It turns out that it was my "hilarious" dad testing his new phone from across the parking lot. FML
Today, I received a message from front desk that my concerned father is trying to contact me. I call only to hear that my parents were freaking out that I wasn't answering my phone. They saw me 9 hours ago. They were going to call the police. I'm in college and also don't live with them anymore. FML
Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML
Today, my dad let me use his phone. Five minutes later, he had my mom call it because he thought he'd lost it. FML
Today, I found out that my parents changed the code on our alarm system while they were out of town. The police could not verify I was their son, despite spending hours trying to get hold of them. They thought it was just another telemarketer. FML
Today, I told my dad I couldn't make the trip to see him this weekend because I had to work. I surprised him by driving ten hours, and while he was out, I let myself in with my key and hid behind the couch for when he came in. He walked in. I jumped out. I then had to call 911. FML
Today, I found out that, if timed just right, the alarm function on my phone can be disabled by a text message. And my dad has an impeccable sense of timing. I was 20 minutes late for work. FML
Today, I got a knock on my door at 3 a.m. Turns out, if I ignore my mother long enough, she will assume I have died and will call the cops. FML
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Top comments
AsianCookie247 14
damn haha I feel bad for your father, I hate being woken up.
DocBastard 40
It was his work phone and he was on call. Perhaps he works for the electric company and there was a major power outage that needed to be fixed. Perhaps he's a doctor and needed to go save someone's life. Are those not good enough ******* reasons to wake him up for one ******* cool? Maybe try reading the entire FML before commenting.
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Comments (67)
AsianCookie247 14
damn haha I feel bad for your father, I hate being woken up.
IceeCreamm 7
I know right? Never wake a man while asleep.
dcam13 19
my 47-year-old dad doesn't do that when i wake him up late at night. thanks for the warning though.
urdirtyolduncle 15
Ugh! I hate it when someone wakes me from a nap. That's why I always put my phone on silent and lock the doors before sleeping
roperap 0
he's a doctor OR a police ;)
rldostie 19
Or a nurse or a volunteer fireman.
Topygrl21 8
Yeah cuz ur a "man"
Topygrl21 8
That was 4 number 11
IceeCreamm 7
topygrl2 - I wasn't referring to myself as a man. I was meaning the dad, douche.
Mehness 0
Wowzahs, I think I'll take him. Best home defense out there, attacking his own children.
mattmadden 0
What the **** is your picture?!
IndiRae 9
What's yours? 0_o
LakersFanatiC 3
its forever alone, google it.
iAmScrubs 19
not to mention you were holding the most deadly weapon know to man-kind. A phone.
seanders 10
I guess when lawyers are calling about outstanding child support, the phone is a deadly weapon indeed.
Niki0308 0
It's only deadly to men. If you're a girl it's your best friend.
NYC_Yoshi 3
scrubs, I expect better than this from you!
PSQ91 6
So according to you, every 47 year old men does that?
orphinz 3
... yes
randiZ25 0
Way to read the paragraph!!!
sailorzoe 14
My dad would. He is as old as dirt tho.
whiteboy7thst 2
Its a good thing that he doesn't sleep with a gun...
Tyler12108 0
Jumpy people are funny to mess with.
KatrinaKitten 16
That's probably why everyone messes with me. I hate being messed with!
techweed 12
Bitch. No offense to you sister. Bitch.
techweed 12
Sorry I meant it for the previous FML sorry really
marinus_fml 20
I love it when my dads on a booty call, and I answer his phone ;)
Perdition 4
I don't know why people thumbs down your comments. They're kind of funny. Sometimes.
marinus_fml 20
Thanks Perdition :)
holymolybro 0
Yes. Fyl, but that's awesome. But, why would you try and wake him up at one for one ******* cool?
DocBastard 40
It was his work phone and he was on call. Perhaps he works for the electric company and there was a major power outage that needed to be fixed. Perhaps he's a doctor and needed to go save someone's life. Are those not good enough ******* reasons to wake him up for one ******* cool? Maybe try reading the entire FML before commenting.
xNephilim 19
Because... he was on call. You know, that's what it means to be, and I repeat, ON CALL. If people call you, you get your ass to their house, or do whatever the heck it is you get paid to do.
NoWaySick 0
Lol, you might have to
Wheredidgrungego 12
That's super scary. My dad is almost 50 and he could still kick my ass if he wanted to. fyl.