Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my younger cousin bought his girlfriend of 3 months a bunch of flowers. The only flower I've ever got from my boyfriend of 3 years is a plastic one he found on the floor in a bar. FML
Today, I got offered a free $80 salon haircut by a girl I've liked for awhile. Thinking this was my chance to get close to her, I accepted, only to find out it was for a class her boyfriend was teaching. He was the one cutting my hair. FML
Today, I found out that my six year-old cousin has a raging crush on my boyfriend. She lives across the street and watches from her window for his car to appear in front of my house. She's indicated that she'll stop at nothing until he's hers. FML
Today, my cousins and I were walking past bars, choosing one go to. I recently got my hair cut short and thought it was cute. A little boy walking beside us looked at me and said, "Are you a boy?" His mother shushed him and said, "No dear, she's just flat-chested." FML
Today, I got a haircut at a fancy salon and made small talk with the stylist. While she washed my hair, I said, “Wow, this is better than my girlfriend does it.” She replied, “That’s because I’m a professional. Also, I’m your girlfriend’s cousin.” FML
Today, I asked my little cousin if he had a girlfriend if he had a girlfriend. “Yes,“ he said. “Two, but I’m going to keep the one with the biggest boobs.“ He’s 7. FML
Today, I sent the girl I like flowers, only to have her later post a picture of them online, saying, "Ha! When losers send you flowers." FML
Today, the boy I like came to my house with a dozen roses to ask me to homecoming. My uncle chased him down the street with a pitchfork. FML
Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML
Today, I went to my hairdresser who promised me a haircut which "all the girls would want you" for. She gave me a combover. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
nuked 0
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHA!!! Epic WIN!
Rauron 0
lolwut Are flowers the new hanky code?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (188)
OMGQueenB 0
#35, most people don't actually pay any attention to that sort of thing. Chill out. OP: Your cousin is hilarious.
hollyHURR 0
Ahahaha, that's quite funny =') Learn to enjoy being single ^^
awesomeperson 0
omg thats hilarious. i love your cousin!
q_tipperz 0
ur cousin is awesome. learn a thing from ur cousin's reasoning ;D
Ethan223 8
EPIC FAIL
nicelyjohnson 0
#6, he didn't really need to know if she was available or not. It was just the perfect oppertunity for a snappy comeback, and he took it XD
sara942 0
LOL your cousin is hilarious
Humanoid_fml 0
#34, Hawaiian girls aren't foreign to you. Hawaii is part of the US. Moron.
xshinyx11 0
AHAHAHAHAAHAH you're little cousins is smooth
castro4life 0
hahahahahaaaaiii, thats hilarious,,