Freaked out

Today, my son was crying and refusing to sleep in his room because a spider ran along the wall, and it's now hiding somewhere. He’s 19. FML

Beware!

Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

Today, I discovered my 18 year old son has been peeing on the carpet when he is too lazy to get out of bed in the morning and blaming it on the cat. FML

Wild child

Today, my wife asked our 17 year-old son to clean his room. Following up, he lied to his mom and said it was clean. After rechecking his room, he began to throw things and I returned to find holes punched in the walls. I went and patched the holes, after which he immediately kicked more holes. FML

Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML

Today, my 17-year-old son hacked off the legs of his bed with a saw. His explanation? "The bed looks cooler closer to the floor." FML

Today, my nineteen-year-old son attempted to mug me. With a screwdriver. FML

Shame! Shaaaame!

Today, I found out my son kept quiet about having head lice for a week. He's 14. FML

Today, my boyfriend came over while I was babysitting my little brother. He wouldn't stay in bed, so my boyfriend told him,"If you don't stay in bed, the monster will eat you!" I now have to wash my brother's bedsheets, because he was too afraid to get up and go pee. FML

Boundaries

Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML