Today, late for work, I called my dad to see if he knew where my keys were. Turns out he'd taken them on holiday with him because they have a bottle opener on them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML
Today, due to bad weather, my dad let me take his car to drive to my apartment 3 hours away. I only realized when I got there that my keys were still sitting on my parents' kitchen counter. FML
Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML
Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML
Today, I was looking for my condo keys, thinking I had left them in my mailbox on the first floor the night before. Leaving to check, I realized I'd forgot to take them out of my door when I had come in, leaving them in the keyhole. FML
Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML
Today, after locking my keys in the car and waiting three hours for my mom to bring me my spare, I reached into my bag only to find my keys. FML
Today, I arrived to work at exactly 8 so I could leave at exactly 5, without overtime. I found out later that my brother took my keys with him somewhere and now I can't enter the house until he gets back at 11. FML
Today, I was running late for an important job interview because I couldn't find my keys. I place the keys on my kitchen counter every day to prevent exactly this type of situation. After few minutes and missing my interview, I finally found my keys, in my hand. FML
Today, I couldn't find the keys to open the store I work at. The resulting stress gave me chest pains that ended up sending me to the hospital. I still missed work and my father found the keys under the passenger seat in his car. The same seat I sat in on the way to the hospital. FML
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Top comments
4everblackjack 10
Well then, I suggest checking into a very expensive hotel under his name/credit card >:D
2oc 5
That's just uncanny...
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Comments (122)
4everblackjack 10
Well then, I suggest checking into a very expensive hotel under his name/credit card >:D
lavitaebella_fml 0
Awe, your poor thing! :( OP can't go without eating as well... I suggest ordering room service. And don't forget to order desert, because everyone deserves a treat every now and then! ;)
cajekraze 7
Kids are so naive. Nothing says "Gotcha" like a little fraud. Besides, you need more than a name to get a hotel and room service.
Llama_Face89 34
Why check into a hotel? Says OP is trying to leave for work. They already have access to the house...rent a Farrari!
nofearjenshere 12
48- Lighten up a little, it was a joke!
runnamuk 6
Wow, it's hard to believe 23's comment hasn't been attacked by grammar nazis stumbling over themselves to be the first to correct her use of "awe", yet. What slackers.
lavitaebella_fml 0
58: Lol calm down.
runnamuk 6
Calm down? Sorry, I didn't mean to give the impression that I excessively energetic. That’s why I specifically switched from desserts to deserts so as to replace my sugar intake with sand, guess it didn't work. I thought this was what fml was for: fighting over correct spellings and grammar usage?
SmeXikoE 3
No... FML is for the people who have nothing to do and just want some lulz. Being a grammar nazi is just an option. I simply get on for the ***** and giggles :)
XtraEzeee 8
I simply get on WHILE I shit and giggle.
The_Hitdude 12
65: I hope to God you're joking. Have you never heard the phrase "for ***** and giggles" before?
sadistmonkey 19
66 - Yes, he's joking. It's called wordplay.
xoconnie 8
BUY HIM A BOTTLE OPENER FOR THE FUTURE
The_Hitdude 12
67: Thanks for the clarification, but there's no need to be a smartass. Have a nice day.
RedPillSucks 33
***** and giggles??? I thought they said shots and goggles. I had my goggles on and was just about to pour some schnapps.
gamercanadian 11
65 your not the only one.
TheWindowLicker 13
I'm too lazy to say that, so I just call it shiggles.
lavitaebella_fml 0
The people on this thread are taking things way too seriously.
twisted_cherub 14
58- There should be an exclamation point after "What slackers" instead of a period.
MelTheGreat 23
and I thought I was alone...
runnamuk 6
88- I cannot think of any grammar obligation to use an exclamation mark; it’s purely at the discretion of the author, depending on the feeling they are attempting to convey.
2oc 5
That's just uncanny...
gurly98 13
Ikr
Cad6 24
Why did you get thumbed down? Does nobody get his pun? Bottle openers have the same principle as can openers, some of them with serrated edges, and my bottle opener functions as a can opener. Basically, saying "uncanny" is a play on words of the word "can".
liindsey 25
It's entirely possible people get the pun and just don't find it funny.
Cad6 24
Puns don't necessarily have to be funny.
TheCaterpiller 6
But it's better if it is funny
tj4234 36
canny is also a Scots word. Canny means careful. I.e. 'be canny'. So uncanny means careless, clumsy, etc. So you could also take it as a Scots joke about losing your keys. Also. I live in Aberdeen city :D. That's pretty cool.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
Either way, I found this comment different so therefore it deserved a thumbs up
KeyboardWarrior 10
Yeah well hate to break it to you Cad, but funny comments are what get the most thumbs up. Not everyone appreciates wordplay, and just because it's a pun doesn't mean it'll get thumbed up.
nick315 8
Well how else is he going to open those annoying pop offs? Stop being do shelfish.
loufol22 5
Buy one for 2 dollars or take the one OP had off the key chain
nick315 8
I fail at sarcasm sometimes.......
flamegrilled123 3
*so selfish
GawdamitNappa 4
26- Naw, just some people don't understand sarcasm
ninjadinos 14
I don't get why this has so many down votes. It was clearly sarcasm and I thought it was rather humorous.
KiddNYC1O 22
Oh no, yet another sarcastic comment in question...
Unlucky_Gun 0
No Sometimes it's just hard to realize someone's kidding or being sarcastic when texting or typing. I'm sure it's hard for you too sometimes so don't bust on others for 'not understanding sarcasm'
ninjadinos 14
I'm not busting others, I completely understand. I am in full support of the sarcasm text. However, a lot of people just thumbs down comments because they see that other people are thumbing them down. Or they have no sense of humor.
Wederoney 16
Well 41, there's another explanation. Maybe people wanted to thumb that up but accidently thumbed it down?
ninjadinos 14
Haha, maybe so!
RocketNinjaFish 12
78: I didn't realize it said "shelfish" until I read your comment :)
Anai08 17
That REALLY sucks, I don't know what I would do in your situation OP. Your dad owes you big time for his stupidity!
mhopper 13
No one else has a spare? Your father is so inconsiderate! Payback is a bitch though. Make sure you repay the favor!
Badbrock 6
Hopefully he doesn't forget them in the sand on the beach after he gets drunk..... Must be nice going to school when your dads on a holiday.
socoolsophie 4
She's late for work not school..
ohemgefml 1
****
KILLERTOAST13 4
like a boss is probably the. Stupidest. comment. To ever be posted on FML
studdmuffin1990 7
Quickly call a locksmith, have him pay for the bill, And most importantly, don't get mad get even!
XtraEzeee 8
I'm not an expert on this so please correct me if I'm wrong, but can locksmiths start cars?
Michael_92 20
@100 Planing on stealing some cars? ;)
JoeSaysSsso 2
101- your a dumb shit, OP was late for work, and probably needed in the car, not in the house.
stalkerstatus101 5
102-its called a joke no need to be so insulting
JOEGERNAUTT 1
I like how you think grasshoppa....
Michael_92 20
Wow way to overreact there 102. I was making a joke AT HIM. NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FML.
ObsessedWithMe 13
Hope you have a spare set OP. That sucks.
hornetsbaseball 6
Bottle openers are a valuable item! I don't blame him
THE_A_TEEN 28
He could have bought his own or just take it off the keychain. It's not that damn hard.
Llama_Face89 34
Ha! Valuble? He could probably get one for a buck where he's going!
firecopy 6
People on fml are still failing to detect sarcasm I see. Anyways, thumb up.