Today, it's Halloween and my boss changed his mind at the last minute, telling us we're no longer allowed to carve pumpkins in our lunch hour because, "It would be too distracting". What are we supposed to do with 12 pumpkins now? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to a Halloween party with people from work. As the night passed, my boss got hammered and started throwing food at people. It was fun and games until I accidentally spilled his tenth beer. His response? To slam a hollowed out pumpkin full of chocolate mousse over my head. FML
Today, I spent two hours driving all over town looking for a store that sold pumpkins. When I finally found some, I was charged ten dollars per pumpkin. Later, I went to my town's annual Halloween festival and discovered they were giving pumpkins away for free. FML
Today, my boss told me to 'think outside the box'. I did and got lost in a corn maze for hours. FML
Today, I found a very large pumpkin super-glued to my car. It will not come off. FML
Today, I woke up excited to go trick-or-treating, the treat being candy. Instead, my town has officially postponed Halloween due to blackouts. I guess this is where the trick comes in. FML
Today, my boss insisted that we get in the holiday mood by putting up lights, playing Christmas music, and wearing bells on our uniforms. It's not even Thanksgiving yet and I can't even have a tinkle without full-blown jingling. FML
Today, my boss continues to think it's appropriate to send me whining texts about work at midnight. Or 4 a.m. I think his complaints about not selling as much candy as he expected can wait till work hours. FML
Today, my manager told my shift that if we didn't have the quota filled for cinnamon rolls by tonight, we were all out of a job. One of the machines we use to wrap cinnamon rolls just started acting up. We also aren't allowed to take over time. FML
Today, my boss told me that there is no point in making me cut onions anymore because every time I do, I look like I've "been beaten", and can't be seen by the customers for at least half an hour. FML
Today, I was outside carving pumpkins with my kids in the grass in my apartments. This rabid Karen starting screaming about the mess we were making. First of all, we were putting the pulp in a bag; second, she lets her dog bark all night and never cleans up it’s shit whenever it goes on our property. FML
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Top comments
False_Stupidity 42
You could throw them at your boss... Disclaimer: All advice offered by the author of this comment is done so in fun, the author takes no responsibility for the consequences of following his advice.
Welshite 40
Have you never heard of a Pumpkin Fight? It's basically like a water balloon fight, but with more concussions and broken bones. Easy way to get out of work sick.
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Comments (36)
Tarlachia 33
Make four Pumpkin Snowmen and plant them in various places around the office with glaring sharpied faces!
RichardPencil 32
Build a trebuchet and go to the Punkin' Chunkin' Contest.
hashtaghipster69 16
This sounds like a scene straight out of the office
mariri9206 32
Michael would have totally allowed it - he's all about distractions, especially at work. Dwight (or Angela, maybe) would have complained and Jim would have used the pumpkins to annoy Dwight.
Becca34 31
Give them to some kids to throw at the walls
LoZelda123 20
when life gives you pumpkins, make pumpkin pie
baby4mommy 27
I believe you are supposed to use the Pumpkins that life gives you to make Pumkinade
trucker2 33
You can spin-around in the office chairs a pin the eyes on the pumpkin- closest pumpkin which resembles boss is winner
jay_south 19
Throw them at his car?
OhPuhleeze 23
Eat them? Like in soups or as vegetables or as pies.. Seriously why is this FML here??
starman02 12
Smash em!!
AyeJay101 25
When life gives you pumpkins, you get to chunkin' #PumpkinChunkin