Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, exactly two years to the date when I thought my dream had came true when my partner surprised me with a kitten. Except two weeks later we had to give him away because my partner was too anxious about the cat destroying any of his stuff. I'm still heartbroken. FML
Today, I had to vacuum for the first time since getting my new kitten. I feared that he would freak out, so I took measures to make sure he would be comfortable, including a "safe room" with toys and a bed for him. As expected, he freaked out. But instead of going to his room, he jumped and grappled onto my face. FML
Today, I found out two things about my new cat: One, he is afraid of thunder. Two, his reaction to hearing a loud thunderclap is to jump very high in the air with his claws extended, then run like hell. I discovered this when he jumped and landed right on my face. My face now looks like I smashed it into a window. FML
Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML
Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML
Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML
Today, I put on a new shirt and headed out to a café to meet a friend. Halfway through our conversation, I noticed my cat had followed me into the café after somehow making a nest in my bag. I looked down to see her tail sticking out of my purse, wagging like she owned the place. She is tiny, but still… how she managed to stay hidden for more than 10 minutes is beyond me. FML
Today, I thought my new kitten had gotten out, so I roamed the streets in the pouring rain, screaming his name for hours. Eventually, my fiance called and said he was home from work. I cried that the cat was gone, and he said, "What do you mean? He's on my lap." FML
Today, I picked up my friend's new kitten so enthusiastically I scared it and it shat all over me. I literally scared the shit out of it. FML
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Top comments
ollie179 21
Everyone must of thought you were cool. Carrying pussy in your bag...
Pleonasm 36
Well the cat's out of the bag now.
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Comments (244)
m4nduh 7
I hope curiosity doesn't kill the cat..
Misswildsides 22
I'm wandering what OP did with the kitten afterwards. O.o
sens3sfailing 25
you have a kitten in school. every person is going to come pet it and it will draw a whole bunch of attention to it. im sure the school or OP found a way to get the kitten out of the school if it was a problem.
stevenJB 25
This cat is freaking adorable!
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
Pussy stank...
ColdplaySucks 18
At least the cat wasn't found at an airport security check like someone else in a previous FML.
Metallica36176 16
Curiosity isn't all that bad, after all it is what made the kittens ;)
katnisse12 6
Let's hope curiosity doesn't kill it in a box, because then it will be alive and dead at the same time.
rgriff27 19
The cuteness is...almost...too...much!
meihua 19
Satisfaction will being it back!
Hyde_is_Back 4
I have a feeling very few will get the reference.
great1_23 4
Make sure to check your laundry :(
kaoszombie 6
@125, How can you be sure?
ollie179 21
Everyone must of thought you were cool. Carrying pussy in your bag...
TheChiver 7
Gives a new meaning to pocket *******...
sux4u121 10
WHERE IS MY POCKET PUSSY, YOU DON'T MESS WITH A MAN'S RITUALS!
skoob1 12
Didn't they all end up with clymidia or something?
Futacy 30
*chlamydia* and what? O_o
sux4u121 10
It's a blue mountain state reference, a hilarious TV show. And it was not chlamydia, I think it was syphilis.
PenguinBitch 44
37-How on earth did they end up with that baby? I guess the mom gave her away.
SoSickWithIt 14
T'was syphilis indeed.
sig4life 18
"Chlamydia" has shown up on FML twice in 4 hours. From the baby girl in a previous FML to these comments. I feel dirty and may need a shot of penicillin tonight. Time for a new name for the kitten. It is nice to have a little pussy in school.
Catkam623 27
I'm sad they canceled blue mountain state:(
mandapanda394 10
the people who are allergic to cat dander wouldn't find that very fun.
emma_penelope 0
Haha
TheWindowLicker 13
I can only imagine how scary your house must be at night.
Damian95 16
It must be a CATastrophe
free2speak 14
OP must be feline pretty paranoid after this incident.
Jaevwyn 17
Do you think it whiskers secrets to her in the night o.O Sorry that was awful x)
BingleBop 18
Oh. My. God. Reenacting this in my mind, is better than most movies.
Pudagiah 12
THIS IS SO CUTE. IF THIS HAPPENED TO ME I'D PROBABLY JUST LAUGH. Plus it's a good excuse to go home! "I have to take my cat home." :D
SerenaSerenadex3 13
This actually happened to me before, but with my snake.. That was fun xD
XxDevilxXGt 26
A snake? I could only imagine a funny scene where a snake just jumps off the top of the cabinet when you pass by and flails on top of your head, while singing the trololo song.
TheNewGuy03 29
Metal Gear Kitty: Mouse Eater
ByronJess 17
I bet the cat had your tongue when you tried to explain that to your teacher.
Skarkie321 18
I think I'd be excited to find my cat in my bag at school, when I was little I always wanted to sneak my cat into my bag
lilhellian 27
I still want to do that!
mmaflake 19
I always think it'd be awesome to take my dog to work.
ICastillo 25
I always thought it would be cool to ride a giant eagle around like on LOTR. I would ride it anywhere like school, work, shit even on a date. Nothing says you're a badass like a giant eagle.
ramasirama 15
How about a raibow-puking unicorn??
Master0fTheDark 13
108 - I thought unicorns shit rainbows, not puked them.
jelly713 19
Seriously, I wish my cat was small again jumping in my bag. Now it's grown up and grouchy.
Snoopy0718 14
I've thought of riding a horse to work. Horse power!!
Trtny25 7
Yes they shit rainbows, but they puke glitter
Tibe_ros 2
What did you mean with: 'raibow'?
Pleonasm 36
Well the cat's out of the bag now.
ShannyAK 16
The cat in the bag!
thepunman 11
Well the cat's out of the bag now.
ChaoticBacon 6
Did you not see the starting comment, punman?
oj101 33
I was going to say that, but Pleonasm beat me to it.
ShannyAK 16
I was referring to the cat in the hat but in ops case hat
keepcalmandbacon 16
*ba dm, tss*
Blacktom_fml 6
And the bag is in the river.
sonnyrosa 32
HAHAHAHA... so lame, but so funny at the same time I've been there OP... it's not so bad... just make kitty sleep on your lap until class is over, then take him home or get a friend who is free to do it for you. Or you could walk around with a kitten on your shoulder and tell everyone that kittens are the new parrots in pirate fashion
Virgyl 4
op set that up perfectly
TrollingStalker 16
Surprise!
bizarre_ftw 22
Though your comment makes sense in the context of the Fml, I still feel like it fits your picture more, for a minute I was honestly wondering why the dog didn't look more scared
CherryOnTop222 7
Audience..WHA!?! What are you doing using my picture as your profile image audience. Thats precarious!
spikekutter 9
i wonder what everyone response was to that..
TheOnlyKittyKat 15
Something like, "AWWWWWWW THAT'S SO CUTE!!!!!!!!! OP when did you get a kitten? *snuggle snuggle snuggle snuggle*" Or at least that's what my reaction would've been.
samiam131 4
Everyone is now jealous of you in class because you've got the P
MaFioso13 17
You can say Pussy every one says it
Laurenluvz 11
Well I'm sure it was intended to be a play on words. Instead of "The D" as most people say it jokingly, they said "The P". Though it was a terrible play on words.