Today, I work as an assistant to a sculptor. We finished all our projects early so his wife decided to have me clean their kitchen. I wasn't paying attention and picked up a dead mouse. I screamed and threw it away as hard as I could. It hit their five-year-old son in the face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home to find a mouse in the garage. Frantic, I killed it. My 7-year-old son came home from soccer, and started crying because he couldn't find the class pet, Mr. Whiskers. I killed my son's class pet. FML
Today, I had mice in the house and had to kill them with mousetraps. I pulled a trap out with a dead mouse and my four year-old son saw. Mice are his favorite animals, and now he won’t speak to me. FML
Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML
Today, I woke up to my disabled mother screaming for me. Fearing the worst, I hopped out of bed only to find that she was yelling because her cat had brought a field mouse inside as a gift. The problem? It was still alive. I had to get it from him and throw it outside. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, I found a mouse stuck in a glue trap at work. I had to take it home to get it off with oil, and then I released it outside. Twenty minutes later, the cat returned it to me, dead. After that, the dogs dug it up where I buried it. Sorry, mouse. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, meeting his family for the first time. We were all standing in the kitchen when suddenly a small white and brown mouse ran by. Out of natural instinct, I stomped on it. Turns out, it was his little sister's pet mouse that had gotten out of its cage earlier. FML
Today, while babysitting a 9-year-old boy, I stubbed my toe on a coffee table. I yelled, "SON OF A…" but managed to stop myself before saying the last part. The boy yelled, "You were gonna say bitch! I'm telling mom and dad!" and, despite my desperate attempts to dissuade him, he did just that. Guess who's fired. FML
Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML
Today, I set up a mouse trap to kill the rodent plaguing my kitchen. While lying in bed, I heard an unmistakable snap, and ran to see what I'd caught. The mouse trap was missing. I now have a large, angry, and possibly dying animal running around my house. FML
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Top comments
sharkgirl4 23
Am I the only one who sees a problem with the sculptor's assistant being made to do housework because a project was finished early? That doesn't seem like it's in the job description and it kind of feels like you're being taken advantage of.
lexiieeex3 32
Is kitchen cleaning a new requirement for assistant sculptors nowadays? I think you're being taken advantage of OP, rat aside.
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Comments (18)
Bloodknight 22
HAHAHAHAHAHA! That is all...
Gazerman100 13
Did it start playing dubstep?
RichardPencil 32
At least that kid won't be nagging his parents to go to Disneyland/world. The upside of early childhood mouse trauma.
sharkgirl4 23
Am I the only one who sees a problem with the sculptor's assistant being made to do housework because a project was finished early? That doesn't seem like it's in the job description and it kind of feels like you're being taken advantage of.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Well they won't be asked again now.
lexiieeex3 32
Is kitchen cleaning a new requirement for assistant sculptors nowadays? I think you're being taken advantage of OP, rat aside.
Steephx0 23
for everyone saying that this isn't part of their job - they may have had supplies, tools, etc. that needed to be cleaned up.
maharb01 17
as outside your job description that this might be, if you're finding dead rodents arbitrarily lying around, it sounds like they need your help to not live in filth!
Mynxie 26
You work for her husband, not her. Why would you be following orders from her?
ThrottleJockey 36
That...is... AWESOME! The visual in my head is hilarious!
species4872 20
Awww, you were just teaching the kid to fetch.