Today, I woke up with a swollen lump on my throat. It's extremely painful. My dad named it Gretchen and now talks about it as if it's a person. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, there is a huge lump on my neck. I thought it was a boil, but it didn't seem to hurt at all, nor was it bothersome. It wasn't until my mom pointed out its existence and size one too many times that I started to feel uncomfortable, and now suddenly I can't sleep at all. FML
Today, I have an excruciatingly sore throat due to chronic canker sores around my uvula. Every bite of food I swallow brings tears to my eyes. I had enough of dad calling me a wimp at dinner over it and shoved my food onto his plate. He's now faking allergies to food we've had for years, just to take the piss out of me. FML
Today, and for the past 2 weeks, I've had a massive pain in my throat. It went down for a while with antibiotics, but when it came back I had to go to the hospital for an emergency surgery. There was a 3 cm abscess growing in my throat. Happy birthday to me! FML
Today, my tonsils swelled to roughly the size of golf balls. My mom refuses to take me to the hospital because she's convinced I got it from kissing someone, and until I "fess up", she's not budging. FML
Today, I felt a painful lump on my jaw. After going on Google, I was convinced I either had an infected tooth or jaw cancer. In a panic, I rushed to the dentist and told the receptionist the problem. She pulled the dentist from an appointment, and he felt around my jaw. It was just a pimple. FML
Today, I woke up with horrible pain in my gut. It got worse and worse, and I started vomiting from the pain. My mom said it was the flu and that I needed to "man up." It turned out to be appendicitis, and I'm now typing this from my hospital bed. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML
Today, while I was washing my hands, I sneezed so hard that I smacked my head against the faucet. I now have a lump the size of a goose egg on my head. I'm not sure if it's going to hatch, or if that's just the brain damage talking. FML
Today, on this edition of me getting pimples in painful or uncomfortable places, I got a huge one on the side of my neck. I never thought that simply turning my head would be such a horrendously painful task. Also, the afflicted area of my neck suddenly itches like crazy. FML
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
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Top comments
ComoEsJuan 24
She's lump, she's lump, she's lump, she's in my head. But seriously, get that shit checked out.
amadeclton 27
Hey, at least he has a sense of humor. I hope he takes it seriously, though.
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Comments (53)
vikky538 29
does your dad ..arranges a funeral fpr that lump once its gone...
heyitsbae 13
It's a swollen lymph node
elcee1987 18
If it appeared overnight, it's worth going to the doctor. A friend of mine was diagnosed with lymphoma after lumps on her throat showed up suddenly. Luckily, it was diagnosed quickly and she is fine now.
WarriorOmen 25
Depends on where it is too though. My uncle just got lymphoma the second time around-first time round it was a lump in his chest, on the lung. Now it's two lumps in his neck. The OP's could be either: Throat Cancer Lymphoma Lymph Node Swelling. A Bite Or any kind of really bad infection in the throat, but it's still dependent on the location. Either way, OP definitely needs to have Dr looked at it to rule out the more serious stuff; as you said.
demonfacee 14
If it's serious, he'll probably feel pretty guilty. You should get that checked out, but it's actually pretty funny he's talking to it, unless it's cancer.
coreytheman 11
Its called mumps ive had it once
WarriorOmen 25
Don't mumps form in the cheeks?
an3ph 20
Doctor. Now.
redneckbeauty1 12
could be goiter.
mantisman1212 10
Probably a gyroid
asm11499 5
Ok leela
blackonblight 33
On or in? I know the post says on, which would indicate external, but most of the posts seem to be assuming the lump is -in- the throat when suggesting what it could be. Either way, if it's still there in a few data or gets worse, getting it looked at is a good idea.