Today, I woke up with a swollen lump on my throat. It's extremely painful. My dad named it Gretchen and now talks about it as if it's a person. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, there is a huge lump on my neck. I thought it was a boil, but it didn't seem to hurt at all, nor was it bothersome. It wasn't until my mom pointed out its existence and size one too many times that I started to feel uncomfortable, and now suddenly I can't sleep at all. FML
Today, I have an excruciatingly sore throat due to chronic canker sores around my uvula. Every bite of food I swallow brings tears to my eyes. I had enough of dad calling me a wimp at dinner over it and shoved my food onto his plate. He's now faking allergies to food we've had for years, just to take the piss out of me. FML
Today, and for the past 2 weeks, I've had a massive pain in my throat. It went down for a while with antibiotics, but when it came back I had to go to the hospital for an emergency surgery. There was a 3 cm abscess growing in my throat. Happy birthday to me! FML
Today, my tonsils swelled to roughly the size of golf balls. My mom refuses to take me to the hospital because she's convinced I got it from kissing someone, and until I "fess up", she's not budging. FML
Today, I felt a painful lump on my jaw. After going on Google, I was convinced I either had an infected tooth or jaw cancer. In a panic, I rushed to the dentist and told the receptionist the problem. She pulled the dentist from an appointment, and he felt around my jaw. It was just a pimple. FML
Today, I woke up with horrible pain in my gut. It got worse and worse, and I started vomiting from the pain. My mom said it was the flu and that I needed to "man up." It turned out to be appendicitis, and I'm now typing this from my hospital bed. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML
Today, while I was washing my hands, I sneezed so hard that I smacked my head against the faucet. I now have a lump the size of a goose egg on my head. I'm not sure if it's going to hatch, or if that's just the brain damage talking. FML
Today, on this edition of me getting pimples in painful or uncomfortable places, I got a huge one on the side of my neck. I never thought that simply turning my head would be such a horrendously painful task. Also, the afflicted area of my neck suddenly itches like crazy. FML
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
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Top comments
ComoEsJuan 24
She's lump, she's lump, she's lump, she's in my head. But seriously, get that shit checked out.
amadeclton 27
Hey, at least he has a sense of humor. I hope he takes it seriously, though.
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Comments (53)
Kooppliii 8
Hmm it might be subacute thyreoiditis if it's just below the adams apple. If this is not the case it's probably mono or some other infection.
Joshery 14
Hang in there OP...Gretchen, just die
WarriorOmen 25
It's most likely a swollen lymph node from an infection or a serious case of strep. Either way, I'd get 'Gretchen' checked out ASAP just to be safe.
Sariasprincy 7
It's probably a swollen lymph node and should go away within a couple of weeks. That being said, sorry about your dad :(
justinemalang1 14
I'm sorry, but I like your dad's sense of humour. Hope you get better very soon though (:
jamalstolesalt 6
Sounds a little like an iodine deficiency
cjmedic 12
And none for Gretchen Weiners, bye!
skittyskatbrat 19
Can be anything from a big tonsillolith to a clogged salivary duct to an abscessed tooth to a bacterial or viral infection. If you can afford a doctor, and it's still there tomorrow, best to go in. Otherwise, hope you're better soon! If you can go to the doctor, tell your dad that he knows gals are expensive and shouldn't be surprised at the bill ;)
kittyfrozen 19
How's Gretchen doing now? sorry =x get well soon OP :)
worldclassrager 41
How well does Gretchen know Adam?