Today, I attended a funeral. During the minute of silence, my phone went off. My ringtone is "It's good to be alive". FML

Jinxed

Today, my phone made a random noise. I jokingly said, "Wow, I wonder who died now?" Turns out it was my son's grandmother. I had to explain it because I screamed. I also got to tell his dad that his mom just died. FML

Today, at the funeral home where I work, I asked my boss if it was time to "bring out the stiff". I didn't realize the guy's family was not only in the building, but within earshot as well. FML

Today, I attended my mother's funeral. My husband came too, and during the service, I kept hearing him giggling. I wrote it off as the usual awkward nerves, until he started snorting too, and I caught sight of the iPhone under his jacket. He was reading this very site. FML

Not on the weekend

Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said, "Is your dad home?" I replied, "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says, "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML

Busted

Today, I was at work, reading some funny stories on my phone. Just as one of my co-workers decided to share that his father had passed away recently, I burst into uncontrollable, teary-eyed laughter at a story. They don't believe my explanation, and have branded me the office asshole. FML

You never know

Today, I saw my teacher using her phone in the middle of class, so to joke around with her, seeing as we're on pretty good terms, I said: "Using your phone in class? For shame." She looks me in the eyes and says, "Would it be OK if I told you I'm arranging my father's funeral?" FML

Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML

Memory man

Today, my dad let me use his phone. Five minutes later, he had my mom call it because he thought he'd lost it. FML

Bigmouth strikes again

Today, a relative showed me a picture of her phone. I also saw a picture of her husband, a friend, sleeping. He looked like he was dead to the world. I asked, jokingly, "Why is there a picture of a dead guy on your phone?" Turns out it was her father, who is in the hospital, and dying any day now. FML