Today, I was staying over at a friend's house for the weekend while the rest of my family goes to Cuba. Her neighbor started hitting on me. As it turns out, "he" was actually born as a "she", and now I'm apparently a transphobic bitch for not being interested. Two more days to go. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm dating a trans girl, who is also my best friend. She confessed to me long ago that she was born male, and that wasn't a big deal to me. The problem is that my family is constantly harassing her, because I should have been "with a real girl instead of a monster with severed genitals." FML
Today, I was staying over at a friend's house for the weekend. Some girl he knows invited us over to watch a movie. She spent the whole time ignoring the movie and clinging to him, trying to get him to stay, and completely ignoring the fact that I was there and that he was basically my ride. I felt like walking home. FML
Today, while I was out to eat, I was approached by the restaurant manager. He told me that while he respected my personal choices, his patrons didn't feel comfortable with someone who used to be a man using the women's restroom. He thought I was a transsexual. I am a naturally-born female. FML
Today, I found that my "lesbian" best friend and roommate is now dating the guy I've been trying to get a date with for weeks. FML
Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML
Today, I was called a "transphobic bigot" at work because I told my coworker, a trans woman, that her clothing and behaviour were disrespectful and inadequate for the workplace. I'm also a trans woman. FML
Today, I returned home from an extended vacation only to find out my cousin wasn't kidding when he said he was going to steal my boyfriend. I thought I was dating a straight guy. FML
Today, a female friend of mine keeps telling people we’re dating. No matter how many times I told her I'm gay and only attracted to men, she won’t take that for an answer. She’s actually arranged for me to meet her parents next weekend. FML
Today, while at my friend's house, she had to leave the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I had "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. Then he left. I'm a gay guy. FML
Today, for the first time in my life, a girl hit on me. Specifically, a lesbian who thought I was a girl. FML
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Top comments
chosha_fml 27
There's nothing transphobic about not wanting to date someone. Even if you don't want to date a trans guy, that can just be a preference. We're attracted to who we're attracted to.
Rabite 28
I was once called racist and a fat-people-hater because I stated that I mainly date white, sporty men. I mean it's not that I have an obligation to give everyone who comes along a chance. I'm not a dating charity.
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Comments (70)
slavka012 11
I would go as far as to say that not wanting to date a trans on a principle is not being transphobic. I would not date a trans. Sorry, but I want to have kids.
Calingaladha 21
This is about where my mind is on this...besides the fact that vaginas are weird and I don't want to look at anyone else's in particular. Even with a phalloplasty...and it's not that love is based entirely on fertility, but dating a trans man just isn't in my interest. I respect trans men and trans women, it's just not my dating scene.
r83839 22
Just to help 15 out: "trans" is not a noun. It's an adjective. You wouldn't date a trans person.
DanielleinDC 34
So a sperm bank or adoption would be out of the question?
Calingaladha 21
There's a difference between finding out fertility down the road and knowing from the start that it won't be an option just using your partner. If you have no problem using a bank or whatever, that's personal preference. But many would like to try naturally first, and that's just not possible with a trans man.
spirithound 13
Not wanting to date a trans is not phobic.
r83839 22
FYI, "trans" isn't a noun; it's an adjective. So you wouldn't want to date a trans person. I don't blame you for that as long as you're not purposefully using language to degrade trans people.
PhoenixChick 26
If not dating someone = discrimination against everyone like them, then every straight female is a woman hater because they don't date them.
dontknow1 19
Some people like to distort people's words and actions just to point fingers and feel superior to others.
jstone89 13
Sounds typical coming from a person like that. Just ignore it. There are worst things to be called.. like..you could get called a jerk.. that's most def. worse.. haha!
allie2590 31
I'd much rather be called a jerk than transphobic, thank you.
DArthurVaderian 18
Why? Jerk is insulting, transphobic is a compliment
haiboork 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
First: He was always a he and never a she. Gender has nothing to do with genitals, even if the doctor or whomever said he was female - doctors don't have the power to declare that. Female was the gender he was assigned at birth. They were wrong, and this in and of itself is an act of transphobia because he was never ever a she and to think otherwise suggests a pattern of thinking that strips a trans individual from his identity even if that wasn't at all the intention. Second: not dating someone because they are trans is a lot like not dating someone because they are Chinese or disabled. It is, at its core, an act of transphobia. The important thing is that you don't take it as an act of offense against your person but rather examine, yourself, why it is that the implication of specific physical genitals plays such a part in your attraction to a person and how much of this issue is rooted in societal influence and not just some kind or organic preference. You didn't grow up in a vacuum; it's not possible that you just "like what you like" for no reason. Trans individuals are demonized for not telling any prospective romantic interest about the state of their genitals right away and then are routinely excluded and misgendered based on them if they are honest. You don't have an obligation to date anyone, but isn't it worth examining yourself to investigate the roots of your own hesitation? Isn't internalized transphobia just as possible if not hard-core by growing up in what has historically been a transphobic society as is the possibility of internalized racism and misogyny? These things are real and effect us actively all the time.
da_epic_failman 7
Nope. She was never a guy. Gender has nothing to do with feelings, or genitals; it is all about genetics. There is internalized transphobia, because it is not natural, and it defies the laws of nature, and society. If you want to be a different gender, you need counseling, because there is something seriously wrong with you. That doesn't mean you're a bad person, anymore than having AIDS makes you evil. I mean there is something wrong with you in the same way that having cancer would make something wrong with you. You need it treated, not learn to live with it. I am a very strict scientist, so it bothers me that people believe that a storm of emotions is more important than what Nature means for them. That doesn't mean I hate transgenders, but it does mean I can't accept them as the gender they claim to be.
Calingaladha 21
I would disagree on organic preference as far as physical genitals. If we were all into whatever sex organs someone had, we'd all be purely bisexual. But we're not. It is programmed into our very brains what genitals we're attracted to, and that's okay. If you like penises? Awesome. If you like vaginas? Cool. If you like both, all the more power to you. But not everyone does. You should approach sex how it feels naturally to you. And as far as trans goes, there's evidence showing that their brains actually do have structures of their identified gender, but it's not all fully understood as of yet.
slavka012 11
#31, Unless you dating a Chineese disabled trans, STFU.
kimthevillain 6
There is nothing wrong with not wanting to date someone because they're trans, just like there's nothing wrong with not wanting to date someone because of their race/disability. Some may see it as shallow but it all comes down to preference, and there is nothing wrong with preference. I wouldn't date a trans person for a few reasons; mainly because I want children, and having sex with a trans person (even after surgery) would make me uncomfortable. I also wouldn't date people of my own race because I'm just not attracted to them. A person should not feel obligated to like or date someone just because they're seen as minorities or oppressed in society. Quit acting like certain people should be treated like special snowflakes and go back to Tumblr.
r83839 22
One correction: "female" and "male" are words describing one's biological sex, not gender. You have to keep the two separate. So a trans man was assigned female at birth. A trans woman was assigned male at birth. A cis woman was assigned female at birth, and a cis man was assigned male at birth. See? Your sex does not determine your gender.
haiboork 5
Sex is biological. Gender is internal. You are strictly,wrong, here.
DrumrollPlease 9
I would not date someone who was trans for one reason alone; I want biological children of my own, and so a partner who by physical default cannot have children would not be one I could settle with long term happily... it wouldn't be fair on either of us. It is much the same reason that several of my bisexual friends have settled down with (and, in some cases married) the opposite sex; they wanted to have children of their own and so have ruled out relationships that eliminate that factor by default. Much as they find their own sex attractive, I may find trans people attractive, but I don't 'casually' date (I only date looking to the long term, always have) and so just couldn't imagine dating someone with whom I couldn't have kids in the future.
Kramer1998 20
So i guess its misogyny to turn down a woman you don't find attractive and vice versa?
LordGiblett 26
As a transgender FTM myself I'm going to say right here... What he did was BULLSHIT. It's not transphobic to not want date us and I agree, it's preference too. And even so it sounds like you didn't want to date him not being he was trans, but because you just weren't interested in him in the first place which is okay. Both things are okay. But one suggestion: next time instead of using "he" was originally born as a "she" you could say something like he was assigned female at birth. That's a better way to say it because honestly.. We were never the gender assigned to us, we were just assigned one.
DickButt1 10
This is why society sucks now. "Oh, you don't like this person? You're a transphobic/homophibic/sexist/racist bitch!" Meanwhile people shit on us and get away scott free.
owlofcontrol 10
Trans man (FTM) here. You're not transphobic for not wanting to date someone who's trans. Now, if you refused to speak with him at all and deemed him gross and disgusting purely because he was trans, but you thought he was fine before, THAT would be transphobic. But that's not the case here at all. This is just a case of not wanting to date someone, and that's cool. You're never obligated to date someone. (That being said, it's better to say "assigned female at birth" instead of "born a she" or "born a girl". Just something to keep in mind for the future.)