Today, I was staying over at a friend's house for the weekend while the rest of my family goes to Cuba. Her neighbor started hitting on me. As it turns out, "he" was actually born as a "she", and now I'm apparently a transphobic bitch for not being interested. Two more days to go. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm dating a trans girl, who is also my best friend. She confessed to me long ago that she was born male, and that wasn't a big deal to me. The problem is that my family is constantly harassing her, because I should have been "with a real girl instead of a monster with severed genitals." FML
Today, I was staying over at a friend's house for the weekend. Some girl he knows invited us over to watch a movie. She spent the whole time ignoring the movie and clinging to him, trying to get him to stay, and completely ignoring the fact that I was there and that he was basically my ride. I felt like walking home. FML
Today, while I was out to eat, I was approached by the restaurant manager. He told me that while he respected my personal choices, his patrons didn't feel comfortable with someone who used to be a man using the women's restroom. He thought I was a transsexual. I am a naturally-born female. FML
Today, I found that my "lesbian" best friend and roommate is now dating the guy I've been trying to get a date with for weeks. FML
Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML
Today, I was called a "transphobic bigot" at work because I told my coworker, a trans woman, that her clothing and behaviour were disrespectful and inadequate for the workplace. I'm also a trans woman. FML
Today, I returned home from an extended vacation only to find out my cousin wasn't kidding when he said he was going to steal my boyfriend. I thought I was dating a straight guy. FML
Today, a female friend of mine keeps telling people we’re dating. No matter how many times I told her I'm gay and only attracted to men, she won’t take that for an answer. She’s actually arranged for me to meet her parents next weekend. FML
Today, while at my friend's house, she had to leave the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I had "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. Then he left. I'm a gay guy. FML
Today, for the first time in my life, a girl hit on me. Specifically, a lesbian who thought I was a girl. FML
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Top comments
chosha_fml 27
There's nothing transphobic about not wanting to date someone. Even if you don't want to date a trans guy, that can just be a preference. We're attracted to who we're attracted to.
Rabite 28
I was once called racist and a fat-people-hater because I stated that I mainly date white, sporty men. I mean it's not that I have an obligation to give everyone who comes along a chance. I'm not a dating charity.
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Comments (70)
Rozeyyy 25
He's just butthurt and probably can't handle rejection.
ifuckuprandomly 28
Why didn't you go to Cuba?
AbbotsfordVandal 14
I want to know the same thing
chosha_fml 27
There's nothing transphobic about not wanting to date someone. Even if you don't want to date a trans guy, that can just be a preference. We're attracted to who we're attracted to.
Rabite 28
I was once called racist and a fat-people-hater because I stated that I mainly date white, sporty men. I mean it's not that I have an obligation to give everyone who comes along a chance. I'm not a dating charity.
Colon_Man 17
I wonder what I am if I exclusively date big boobed redheads...
Oh_No_Not_Him 25
Lucky.
RememberSchlitz 9
This is the world in which we live. If you're not actively demonstrating by word and deed that you are "for" something, you're automatically seen to be "against" it.
Rlybro 15
That's pretty funny that your family didn't take you to Cuba. It sucks that he thinks like that.
FYDS_fml 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Tell him to grow a pair =)
reiver 1
There's nothing transphobic about not wanting to date someone. There is something transphobic about the sentence "he" was born as a "she" though. You deserve it for that.
Calingaladha 21
If there's anything that alienates people from the trans community, it's comments like this. Instead of being a dick and saying they deserve it for saying that, why not teach them better phrasing?
InfiniteSunshine 32
That was not transphobic. The OP was merely explaining that this person was trans, how else is she supposed to explain that? She literally just gave the definition of what FTM tran is, it's a "she" who is actually a he and making the transition or who has already transitioned. If anything it's a good thing she went into detail like that, because although access to information might be easier now, some people might not understand what trans is. Whether you like it or not, this person was assigned the gender "she" when he was born, I'm not saying he is a "she," I believe everyone is the gender they feel, but they did live as a "she," for at least a little while I imagine, which is a crucial part to what makes this an FML. In short, the OP was not transphobic for using that sentence, don't be stupid.
Oh_No_Not_Him 25
Well, I'm with #26 - the OP is only stating a fact. It's almost beyond doubt that at birth the midwife will have said "you have a baby girl!" or a variant thereof. He may be male now and may indeed have felt so since he could recognise the difference (which is not at birth obviously) but at birth he would have been assigned the gender of his physical manifestation at that time. Nothing else is currenly possible.
r83839 22
A lot of misinformation flying around here, so I'll clear a couple things up. Firstly, I agree that OP has no obligation to date anyone. Secondly, the trans guy has always been a "he." He (the word denoting his gender) was born female (the word denoting his biological sex). He was born female and has always been a man. It's simple if you google the difference between biological sex and gender, but people get confused because our society has blended the two words together.
lantz4levi 19
Chromosomes still stay the same either way
TheMathMajor 26
43 is mostly correct. We don't know the person and gender can be fluid, so they might not have always felt like a man, but it is most common for trans people to have felt that way from a very young age. It's also not really correct to say "biological sex" because it is becoming more understood that biology plays a big role in determining if a person will be trans. OP doesn't deserve it just because she phrased something a bit ignorantly, but it was not the best way to put it. All she had to say was the person happened to be trans and she wasn't into him. Especially putting the word "he" in quotations can be really hurtful because it undermines their identity and disrespects their wishes to go by the pronouns they prefer. Even if you don't mean to be hurtful it is. So now we know. Don't do that.
TheMathMajor 26
There are some great comments below from actual trans people, too, that everyone should read about OPs wording.
Flyndaran 10
Bull. If you have a penis, XY chromsomes, and produce viable sperm, calling you a biological male is a basic fact. How you feel or identify is mental and none of my business. I'll refer to you with whatever pronouns you want just like using the name you prefer. But I refuse to say she has a penis or was born a girl with a penis. That's silly.
TheMathMajor 26
The thing is biology is a lot more complicated than that, but I would rather not get into an argument about it on FML. I'd recommend doing some research on the causes of transexuality.
imkittycow 10
depends, if you changed your mind about being interested when you found out then that would be transphobia. but if you didnt like him before anyways? no foul @ all
Rabite 28
I really don't think that there is something like dating discrimination. You can not date a whole group of people in principle for whatever reasons and still don't have anything against them and not discriminate them in every other aspect of life. I'd just say that people who tend to have strong prejudice have a higher probability to also have them in general.
Setareh23 34
Even if she changed her mind, I don't think that would necessarily make her transphobic. For all we know, having biological kids is something she'd really like to try, so knowing from the start that it's 100% impossible is a good reason not to start a relationship imo. And in any case, I think you should be dating someone you are comfortable with, not forcing yourself to date/sleep with people you don't want to just to be "inclusive."
Joshawott 21
One thing I always wonder when people assume it's transphobic to decide against dating someone based on them being trans, is perhaps the reason is something different, such as a desire to have children with a life partner? Sure there's always adoption, but I think it's perfectly reasonable for someone to want a biological child if they can. EDIT: Reply above me got it one. I've known heterosexual cisgendered couples break up over the issue of children, so yeah, it can be a deal-breaker for some.
half_past_hell 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You aren't a transphobic bitch for not being interested, but you are a transphobic bitch if that's the reason *why* you aren't interested. If you would completely eliminate the possibility of dating someone just because they're trans, you are a bigot. Also, just so you know, you shouldn't say that he was born a she. The correct wording is to say that he was assigned female at birth. There's a good chance he never identified with feminine pronouns. Please try to avoid forcing pronouns on people.
Rabite 28
Yeah, please guilt-trip people into dating or having sex with people they don't want to for whatever reasons.
slavka012 11
#12, you are an idiot.
rubberduck_of_doom 31
No, she is definitely not a transphobic bitch even if that was the reason! Seriously!! Everybody should do what they feel comfortable with and if a person does not feel comfortable with dating someone who had gender reasignment surgery then that's ok too! It doesn't make her transphobic!!! Transphobic people hate transgender people and might find their decision to change their sex wrong or disgusting. (And this opinion is wrong in and of itself but that's a discussion for another time) But just because she doesn't feel comfortable with dating him DOES NOT MAKE HER a transphobic bitch. You know what?? I would'nt want to date an obese guy for example. Not because he is obese. As I said everyone should do what they themselves feel comfortable with but I for one like to do sports and travel and be out and about and I would like my significant other to do these things with me! Does that make me a fat-shaming bitch? AGAIN: Everybody should do what they feel comfortable with, without being judged!! I hope there are some people out there that think like me!
DanielleinDC 34
Just because she doesn't want to date a transman doesn't mean she's transphobic. Maybe she's not attracted to him for other reasons as well. And you can be pro-trans rights and still not want to date them. I do wonder why OP didn't go to Cuba with her family. Maybe she couldn't get the time off work?
DrHeartSurgeon 15
You used the term bigot wrong. If you are so concerned with all the 62 "genders" then I would think you could use the word correctly smh
Colon_Man 17
I wish I could keep down voting after someone has been buried.
kimthevillain 6
Do us all a favor and go back to tumblr
SpyroMello 29
#12, being transgender could be a reason someone doesn't want to date them. Not everyone is comfortable dating a trans and OP was merely explaining the neighbor was a girl who transitioned to a boy. I wouldn't want to date someone who has a ****** because I'm straight. Some trans have a hard time being able to 100% transition and I like dick. So unless he has a penis then no I won't date them. It would also suck if my boyfriend came to me and said he felt like a girl and wanted to transition. I'd be heartbroken but I couldn't date him any longer. Doesn't make me transphobic, it's just my sexuality preference. Its like when people say breaking up with someone because they have a mental illness is invalid. Not everyone can handle mental illnesses.
lantz4levi 19
He/she it whatever the hell they were they still are. You can change your clothes, your hair, take estrogen/testosterone, and even cut your weenie off but you know what your chromosomes are still xx or xy.