Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend's cat adores me. I can't sit down without her jumping on my lap and purring. The cat is also overweight, with very sharp claws, and likes to knead on my legs. My legs look like I lost a fight with a thorn bush. FML
Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML
Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a paw slap, then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML
Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML
Today, my cat sat on me, 30 minutes before I had to go to work. When I picked him up almost immediately after he got comfortable so I could get ready, he looked and sounded absolutely crushed. FML
Today, I came home very tired from a bad day at work, and really just wanted to relax on the couch for a while. My cat jumped into my lap, wanting affection. I was petting him, thanking him for his emotional support. He reciprocated by noxiously farting in my face and running away. FML
Today, while laying on the couch my cat came and laid on me. Turns out my ass is big enough for my 13 year old cat to walk around in circles, wash itself, stretch and sleep. FML
Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction, and got off as fast as he got on. FML
Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML
Today, I had to explain to another person that my cat is not morbidly obese, he just looks really fat when he lays down. FML
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Top comments
Mauskau 36
My cat refuses to sit on my lap, but he climbs on my mum's stomach and chest and sits on them because she's fat lol.
yessy729 0
Am I the only one that read 'pussy' first?
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Comments (134)
Purplefluff 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Dont worry, cats tend to hate people.
ghirahim 5
You can't please everyone !
8932 3
Cats tend to hate everything...unlike dogs
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Pfft, bitch please. Cats try to pull my guts out and drop me on their owner's doorstep.
Demonfish 14
I know plenty of cats who don't hate people.
RyanMacVey 17
Hence the word "tend".
teague95 16
I side with Demonfish I know 1 cat that is friendly, the rest are psychotics
deathtothepix 26
Some dogs hate people too and do things like....maul them to death. Cats and dogs can be as nice or horrible as each other.
mizuki123 8
My cat loves me.. He snuggled with me all day today. Now he does hate my friends, and attacks.
Demonfish 14
Out of all the cats I've met only one of them actually hates people, and she had a rough kitten-hood anyway; taken away from her mother too young, her first owner's partner was a psycho and kept her locked in a room. So no, I rather disagree with the notion that cats tend to be psychotic.
MindFreakazoid 10
I love cats! They're fluffy, don't bark, and their claws sting like hell if you mess with them! Perfect weapon. Or should I say 'purr-fect'? Ba dum tss No. I shouldn't.
patrickalamo 48
Did you stick you hand in the cat food while getting it on in the kitchen. Maybe that is why the cat is pissed.
StalkerChick 13
I think my cat is bipolar. One minute she's sitting in my lap, purring. The next minute she's trying to use my hand as a chew toy. Oh yea, the bitch pounced on my face..
mizuki123 8
#72 my cat is the same! Glad my cat isn't the only one lol. My cat gets angry when he's ignored and decides your face is a nice little target.
neilykins 29
I found my cat on the side of the road, he's a very independent cat but still has the nice side, he won't let you pick him up or cuddle him but he will sit next to you and let you pat him. He's my first cat, i was never a fan until I found him, he's completely changed my mind about cats!
StalkerChick 13
102- same with me! I actually hated cats because I was scratched by one when I was 4. But we found my little stray kitty when she was only about 4 or 5 weeks old. Now I'm more of a cat person :)
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
I would write a nice story about my cat, but I don't own a cat... I don't own a pet at all. T-T
falloutboy97 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Oh well, cats aren't loyal anyway! Congratulations on losing weight though. :)
onlychildFTW 34
Cats are loyal if you earn their loyalty. I used to have a cat! So I know. Cats like soft things, fat is soft.
SoultheWolf 19
Are you kidding me? Cats are completely loyal if you know how to treat them and get one with a good personality. One of my cats follows me around like a little puppy everywhere I go, demands attention all the time, and loves to snuggle. While at the same time, she has her moments when she doesn't want anything to do with me. The same thing is with my brother's cat, and my eldest.
KitchKraft 21
Once my cat became an old fart and starting appreciating my attempts to my my bed more comfortable for him and give him food and water and became best friends with me.
Death_Hoe_Inn 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Cats are selfish *****
Zedd_fml 8
And through this experience.. A chubbychaser. Cat, I am with you.
kittytub 12
we just know what we want in life. op's cat purrfur's fat. ;)
ruabadfishtoo 0
I had to paws to understand your pun, but it is hiss-tarical.
Mauskau 36
My cat refuses to sit on my lap, but he climbs on my mum's stomach and chest and sits on them because she's fat lol.
twinkiefeets 17
More cushion. Who wants bony! Not very comfy.
deBlobX 12
It's just change OP- cat are REALLY FUSSY
yessy729 0
Am I the only one that read 'pussy' first?
KrazieKleo 13
Idk why but for some reason I read that as furry :/.
idiotboy 7
What does OP stand for? I'm an idiot
Drigr 9
Oily Penis.
KrazieKleo 13
91- op stands for original poster. And sometimes oily penis, apparently. :/
onlychildFTW 34
Pussy's be fussy! Common rule. Haha.
SadIife 6
Congratulations on loosing weigh. Just keep playing with your cat and he/she should go back to being playful.
rs89 20
I wish I could unread this comment. A tip : it's "losing weight". Also, we usually use "it" as a reference to animals, objects and even babies.
takesanocean 3
If you want to be a grammar nazi, I have an essay that needs editing. Let's put your nazi-ing to some good use.
LiesAndMischief 4
31 - There's nothing wrong with using 'he/she' to refer to an animal, quit nitpicking.
_krystallynn_ 11
everybody on fml seems to be obsessive grammar nazis. its ridiculous sometimes.
thatKidzmOm 10
Sometime I wonder if the grammar mistakes really bother them so much...or if they're just being asses.
T9FTW 20
--Grammar Nazi here! I, personally, am just bothered by incorrect grammar. So, uh... yeah!
sheethapins 13
Even after the obvious use of bad grammar here, I'm still not bothered by it. Why? It was a decent message in the comment. It's the ignorant comments that but me more than typos.
chunkalicious 7
57; You didn't capitalize "Yeah" after you started a new sentence there, you so called grammar Nazi.
lilhellian 27
On topic! Yes keep playing with the pussy and she will be playful in no time.:)
Jaxx66 21
Yeah, but the Grammar Nazi's are failing hardcore lately. They choose the lesser targets and come out looking like pricks now, instead of actually making sense and doing it for a good cause.
awkward_gothlady 32
#52 - I feel the same way. Especially since not everyone on this site speaks English as a native language. If someone's comment is entirely in text language or is otherwise difficult to read, yes, get after them if that's how you get your jollies, but getting after someone for spelling a word wrong? That annoys me more than the mistake itself.
EpicSquishii 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You make it sound like losing weight was something that happened suddenly and that your cat just now decided he doedn't like you anymore
CharresBarkrey 16
Yeah, because "ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr" sounds like such a sudden change.
yankfan89 27
Maybe your cat is just an asshole.
skittlestrailmix 14
Most cats tend to be smug.
unknown_user5566 27
8- Naw, the cat is too much of a pussy to be an asshole.
8932 3
Cats aren't very loving to begin with..I'd say that losing weight shouldn't be posted on fml..
dirton89 7
I just wanna say...I love reading all these posts about how bad ass these kitties are