Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear. I thought it was a sweet thing to do, until I saw him open a slit in its back while visiting later in the day and removing a bag of weed. He gave me a teddy bear just so he could smuggle drugs past my parents. FML
Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate-flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
Today, the guy that I have been seeing for over a year left on a business trip. While straightening out his room as a favor, I noticed he took his condoms with him. FML
Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Today, as I was going to hook up with a sex friend, I discovered that my pack of condoms was missing. Then I saw my sister chewing out her two 10-year-old twins, who'd found them in my drawer. This how my family, who had visited me for family dinner, found out about my sexual life. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's last night visiting my family. My dog decided to go through the trash, then run up to my dad with one of our used condoms caught in her teeth. My parents didn't even know we were sleeping in the same room. They know a lot more now. FML
Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
Some lucky 6-year-old is going to get a bear AND balloons...
Jdb60 5
That's gonna be a nice surprise.
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Comments (112)
cnparks1990 9
5ml means that they posted it on fmls 5th birthday
whodat32 4
Normally it is stuffed with a heart
nk94 13
Why would you hide them in a teddy bear exactly?
happyfingers 15
... You hid condoms.... In... A teddy bear.... You sir, are an idiot. If you feel the need to "hide" them you should at least put them near where the sex is to be taking place, no? :P
rockydify 22
Maybe you should keep your condoms in your bedroom ... you know, like a normal person. Hope the other person/s had some!
Tymaster5 22
Well if the kid is smart he will grow up using protection instead of having his first kid at the age of 14
Elfkid21 19
I SERIOUSLY JUST G.O.L.!!! GASPED OUT LOAD!!!! Oh my gosh that is HHHHHOOOOORRRRRRRRIIIIIIBBBLLLLLEEEEEE!!!! BUT, you marron, WHO IN THE #3|| puts condoms INSIDE IF A TEDDY BEAR!!!!!!???? Creepy weirdo!!! XP
expectcriticism 13
random little kid: "mommy I found balloons in my bear!"
TheNewGuy03 29
You made your condoms virtually inaccessible ... in the basement, inside of a stuffed animal. I guess you gotta improvise or hope she's got protection.
martin8337 36
Charity begins at home.