Today, I was debating with my now ex-boyfriend over the ethics of using torture in interrogations of suspected criminals. It took just ten minutes before he freely admitted that he'd have no problem "torturing the shit" out of me if he even suspected I was seeing another man. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML
Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML
Today, I had a long talk with my now ex-boyfriend. I explained why I'm not comfortable with him bringing up his new female coworker multiple times a day, talking with her about their kinks and fetishes, or possibly being around her outside of work. We've been together for nine years. He's only known her for a week. FML
Today, my (now ex) boyfriend and I had a fight, during which he said, "This is why I talk to other girls." I called him out for admitting to cheating and he told me I was toxic. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on his final exam. I confronted him after class by jokingly asking, "If you cheated on a test, would you cheat on me?" Turns out that yes, yes he would, and he did. FML
Today, I found out just how bad my boyfriend's trust issues are, thanks to him being cheated on in the past. He actually had the nerve to ask his 6 year-old son if I had any other men come over while he was at work. FML
Today, I confronted my boyfriend, suspecting that he has been cheating on me during the past few months. He vehemently denied it. Then told me it would never happen again. What? FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML
Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend told me that I was the one. Not at this moment though, he wants to see how far he can go with his best female friend. But once he's done with her, we can be together. FML
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Top comments
JustDerpin 11
I love your username, OP.
MURIKKA 11
The line, he crossed it.
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Comments (98)
mrnuleef 7
I'm happy for you! Good luck finding a nonpsychotic a-hole next time around.
the_true_batman 10
I wonder if he suspected that you broke up with him out of fear he'd notice the hints that you're cheating on him, and tortured you to get you to confess that that was the reason.
Michael_92 20
Past tense, present tense. Please choose one!!!
littlem91 29
Agreed about needing to pick a tense... but really that whole comment just makes my head hurt.
the_true_batman 10
I don't think that there is anything wrong with my tense... other than I guess I shouldn't have said "tortured" but "will torture", since it's unlikely the torture already took place. Which isn't even entirely wrong, because even though it's unlikely he had tortured her at the time of her submitting the FML, she could have been between that time and when I posted the comment
xmaximusx 12
Lol was he serious or wAs he kidding and your just being a hypocondrwoman
littlem91 29
Wow, I think this FML may actually be the definition of a lucky escape. Kudos for leaving him though OP! Too many women seem willing to stay with people who are unhinged. Well, men too.
cindykitty 0
Get the **** out 0_o
mrtodddr 0
Good for you that you did the right thing by leaving him. He does not deserve you to be with him. Btw the women is always the better half and should be treated as such anyway but again kudos to you for walking away.
sweetmama88 6
Someone needs a huge belt beating !
linkinpark98 24
Yes... What the actual **** indeed.
clairelolz 5
how the hell did this start anyways??!!
SooperSuper 2
As he should.