Today, I was beating the hell out of one of the most useless employees ever. I mean really laying into him, all while telling him for the umpteenth time how to do his job right. Then my husband informed me I was hitting him in my sleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husband's rather rattling snoring, I finally managed to drop off… only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML
Today, while in bed, I tried to explain how overworked and unappreciated I feel doing all the housework to my fiancé. It was only when I'd finished my long rant that I realized he had been asleep almost the whole time. FML
Today, my husband smacked me quite hard, and I have a black eye as a result. It's not a case of a domestic abuse, it was 100% unintended because he was sleeping and had a really bad dream that made him swing his arm. He's feeling bad about it, and I would laugh it off, but I have an important meeting tonight. FML
Today, my insomnia got so bad that I became convinced my husband was having an affair in our bed right next to me. I punched him so hard in the shoulder that he awoke from a sound sleep, farted, and then shook it off and went back to sleep unfazed. I'm so jealous. FML
Today, I fell asleep at my desk. It's bad enough that it was for 45 minutes and that I was snoring. What makes it worse? My boss woke me up. FML
Today, I yelled out while I was asleep. However, I was sleeping during a very important meeting with customers and my boss. FML
Today, a patient, who is normally pretty chill, was being quite difficult for my workmates. They were whinging about him and I defended him, he's normally a sweet guy so something must be upsetting him. I went to chat with him, he punched me and called a useless a**hole. FML
Today, I was really, REALLY tired at work. I went to the restroom to take a little break, and must have dozed off, because I was awoken by my boss, knocking on the door of the stall. Apparently, I had been snoring. FML
Today, after a sleepless night, I fell asleep at my work desk. When I awoke, I found my co-workers had duct taped me to my chair. I was yelling at them to untape me, when our boss came in, scolded me for fucking about on the job, and left without saying a word to my colleagues. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
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Top comments
Earths_Venus 25
Welcome to Management.
712sash 26
Sounds like you're stressed. You should try some thing to chill a little :)
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Comments (56)
thatkidmal 15
The irony of this is great, I didn't see that ending coming
BaboonsSmirks 7
I feel this is more your Husbands FML than yours. Lol
Voij 16
Wait, so you can actually throw punches in your dreams? Whenever I dream of fighting someone, my attacks are slow enough to get evaded by a quadriplegic snail.
murdersquirrel 15
typically the human body is paralyzed in a dream state to prevent this from happening. there's definitely a sleep disorder at play here.
kiki9_fml 10
Someone needs anger management!
HersheySquirts 17
Nope, just a different employee.
KamiyaHaine 18
Thank goodness my fiancé won't be home tonight then. I feel like pummeling two specific horrible employees for messing up all our deliveries today. And I really mean ALL the deliveries. I may just have the same dream!
LennyComa 39
Hey it's extra exercise at least...However you may want to see a sleep professional of invest in Armoured PJs for your Husband
Ashamed_Sister 60
This guy really gets on your nerves.
vegemitelover 2
I'm guessing you work in retail?
brandoneyez1 25
Eff! Your hatred for your employee is strong with this one!
JMichael 26
What did this employee do to piss you off so much?