Today, I was at the lake with my family. I was drinking from a can of soda but didn't realize a bee flew into the can. I didn't swallow it, but I now have Kylie Jenner's lips. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right inside my mouth. My tongue got stung. FML
Today, at a party, a fly flew into my mouth. I spat it out, and in an effort to wash my mouth out, I grabbed the can of coke that was on the table next to me. Apparently people had been spitting in there and using it as an ashtray. FML
Today, I was at a barbecue and, unbeknownst to me, took a bite of really hot bacon. In my ensuing panic, I grabbed and took a swig of my friend's beer. It wasn't beer, at least not any more. She was using it as an ashtray, and I got a mouthful of cigarette butts. FML
Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked, I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML
Today, my sister took me out shopping for my birthday and had been drinking a Monster the whole day. Halfway back home, I took a sip of it and she screamed, but it was too late. I had drunk the phlegm that she spat into the can earlier. FML
Today, I had a sip of my coffee and felt a lump of some kind enter my mouth. I thought it was a bit of biscuit, and then remembered I didn't have biscuits this morning with my coffee. I took it out of my mouth and it was a huge black fly. I then spat the rest of my coffee all over my laptop. FML
Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML
Today, I went to my favorite drive-in burger joint for dinner. As I was nearing the end of my burger, I grabbed a cup from the cup holder that I thought was filled with soda. Instead, I got a mouthful of dip spit that a friend left in my car. FML
Today, I had a dentist appointment in which a nurse numbed my mouth. After coming home, I took a nap in which I unknowing bit through my top lip. I physically can't speak. FML
Today, I accidentally took my mouthwash like a shot. I don't know what burned more, when it went down or when it came back up. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Cheaper than Botox. It'll be the newest "natural environmentally friendly" fad. The tag line should read: "Bee One with Nature".
samsterling 19
I could just see that in a magazine ad... "WANT TO SPRUCE UP YOUR LIPS? COME IN TODAY WITH 'DR.' JENNER'S ALL NATURAL 100% BEE LIP ENHANCMENTS, FOR ONLY $899.99 + $299.99 CO-PAY EACH!"
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Comments (29)
Szaszaspasz 26
I bet you didn't pay as much, and you look a lot better.
hyperbole1729 5
Same thing happened to me while drinking orange crush when I was 3 years old. I have not been able to drink orange crush since then. I feel your pain!