Today, I tried to change my usually stoic behaviour and be friendly to a coworker. Now she is convinced that I finally went insane and intend to murder her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my coworker got angry at a mean customer. She came to the back where I work and started punching the wall repeatedly. When I tried to intervene and stop her from breaking her hand, she punched me in the stomach and uppercut me. FML
Today, I tried to work on my attitude at work. People say I'm mean, so I tried to be nice all day. Apparently I'm now condescending. FML
Today, after finally getting rid of an extremely rude, abusive customer, I muttered that I could kill people like her. I didn't know my manager had heard me, until a pair of police officers arrived. He'd reported me for "threatening to murder a customer". FML
Today, my boss expected me to corroborate her lie to a customer. She changed her story suddenly and I got caught up in the crosshairs. Then she got mad at me for not understanding what just happened. FML
Today, a woman who has a history of being horrible came into my work. I had to help her, so I was determined to be so nice that she couldn't possibly complain about me, as she has about several coworkers before. Apparently, I was too nice. Now she loves me and wants me to help her every time she comes in. FML
Today, I had a major falling out with my best friend. Angry, I sent a short text message to him explaining how I felt. I soon noticed I'd accidentally texted "I'm going to fucking kill you, asshole." to my boss instead. I'm still waiting on a reply. FML
Today, I saw my buddy at the mechanic's on speaker with his wife. I did a very fake female voice and said, “He’s here with me! He’s my man now!” He rushed home to see all his stuff on fire on the front lawn. I had no idea how psycho she was and now he wants to kill me. FML
Today, I mistook a random stranger in the grocery store for my friend and started complaining about how annoying my coworkers are at the moment. The stranger just nodded, concerned, and slowly backed away. FML
Today, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and talk to my coworker because people have been saying I’m too shy. I say, "Hey" to a girl and she made fun of my voice. She’s the one who told me to talk more. FML
Today, I was venting to a friend over Whatsapp about my annoying coworker when I realised I'd sent it to said coworker (always check which chat you are in while typing). I'd said, "I’m convinced Brenda is either possessed or just doesn't know how to be a normal human." I deleted it, but it was too late, as she replied with a smiley emoji and, “Can I help with anything, asshole?” FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mackdeezy 22
Taking "kill them with kindness" too literal, I see.
UnicornWaffles 23
Borrow some scissors and knife from her. Possibly a stapler and paper shredder.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (19)
pacman490 21
That's what you get for acting like the well-adjusted human being you really are
Witchylady 18
Your co worker sounds like a moron.
goodjoblol 25
How did you manage to mess up that badly lmaoooooo
__doge__ 15
So... Whats the murder plan?
trucker2 33
So pretend to be accepting a phone call... Give full description of co-worker... Whilst you walk out of their hearing range....
Bubblezx 12
That's awesome! Use it to your advantage (:<
GreenSkiesBlueGrass 8
did everyone clap afterwards?