Today, I sliced a deep gash into my thumb while carving up bagels. After putting a plaster on, I returned to my room to relax, where I lit a candle. The flame from my new lighter shot up, and set fire to the plaster on my thumb. Now I have a cut AND several burns. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML
Today, I was cooking and I burned my thumb. I had some first-aid burn spray, so I sprayed it on. I went outside to smoke a cigarette, and when I flicked my lighter, my thumb went up in flames. Turns out that first-aid burn spray is flammable. FML
Today, I was cleaning a pan. I turned the water on, and it was super hot. My reaction was to slam my hand down. On a knife. So, not only do I have a burned hand, but there's also a huge cut on it from the knife. FML
Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML
Today, I burnt my finger making pancakes for my kid. After hopping around and running the blister under cold water, I went back to finish making the pancakes and burned the same finger right on top of the new blister. An hour later it burst and the flesh is a funny colour underneath. FML
Today, I was cutting some paper when I accidentally cut a sizeable chunk out of my finger. I went to my car to get my bumbag (I'm a lifeguard) so I could patch it up. I then promptly got a large piece of glass in my foot. FML
Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML
Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML
Today, I reached for my lip balm while laying in bed in the dark. I accidentally knocked my bedside lamp, and it fell on my hand and shattered. A huge glass fragment impaled my hand. I just got out of surgery. FML
Today, while cooking, I managed to burn my finger. I quickly turned the tap on and ran my finger under cold water, but apparently someone had just used the hot tap, because boiling water flooded out onto my nicely scalded finger. FML
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Top comments
dspadres 0
We didn't copy your language. You guys brought it with you when you colonized this country. Plaster as we know it is a chemical compound meant to seal holes in walls and such so it can be painted over. I would hope you guys don't put shit like that on your cuts. It can't be good putting whatever the hell is in that stuff in your blood stream.
leyash 0
Because it's a top brand name for covering wounds. That's why.
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Comments (80)
yourkiddingright_fml 0
In the Yiddish language they have a word for someone that is inept or clumsy - Klutz!!!
Ninjaface 0
Wow, precauterized wounds! Now THAT's convenient!
log1k 3
lol wow that sucks.. I cut my thumb open cutting bagels last year. I got 8 stitches and lost partial feeling in my left thumb =[
wellinever 5
Did you bleed on the bagels? Mmm bagels. Well, if you're not going to eat them ... What? Oh, get well soon.
Ipreferbroccoli 0
Opposable ouch :D Funny.
videoCWK 1
Plaster? Is your thumb made of walls?
Aerianna 0
Man you are SO FUNNY! SERIOUSLY, WOW! So damn ORIGINAL! You must be proud :)
Ashbashcrashed 0
Plaster (UK def.s): Band-Aid Stuff on walls Casts
JakobKain 0
#55, are you really going to sit there and pretend you have no idea what a homonym is? What about bank? When someone says "I was down by the river bank," does an image of sea otters giving out loans pop into your head?
ashleyylove3 22
This was already clarified. Go back and read the comments and then think about what you did
Ninjaface 0
@yourkiddingright Klutz is not from Yiddish (I'm pretty sure). Yiddish has the following two words for such a person: Shlemiel— the one who spills his soup. Shlemazel— the one he spills it on.
haha_89 0
OMG. FAIL!
sydefx 0
So you decided to use to the same thumb you cut to light the candle. Unfortunately, you didnt set yourself on fire.
spanishflirt6509 0
Y does everything have to be about culture and race and hate amongst countries...I'm Puerto Roxanne and I love the British and the Asians and everyone else. Jeez people is this way we're teaching our kids and our families.
ashleyylove3 22
Puerto Roxanne... *insert meme here*