Today, I sliced a deep gash into my thumb while carving up bagels. After putting a plaster on, I returned to my room to relax, where I lit a candle. The flame from my new lighter shot up, and set fire to the plaster on my thumb. Now I have a cut AND several burns. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML
Today, I was cooking and I burned my thumb. I had some first-aid burn spray, so I sprayed it on. I went outside to smoke a cigarette, and when I flicked my lighter, my thumb went up in flames. Turns out that first-aid burn spray is flammable. FML
Today, I was cleaning a pan. I turned the water on, and it was super hot. My reaction was to slam my hand down. On a knife. So, not only do I have a burned hand, but there's also a huge cut on it from the knife. FML
Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML
Today, I burnt my finger making pancakes for my kid. After hopping around and running the blister under cold water, I went back to finish making the pancakes and burned the same finger right on top of the new blister. An hour later it burst and the flesh is a funny colour underneath. FML
Today, I was cutting some paper when I accidentally cut a sizeable chunk out of my finger. I went to my car to get my bumbag (I'm a lifeguard) so I could patch it up. I then promptly got a large piece of glass in my foot. FML
Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML
Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML
Today, I reached for my lip balm while laying in bed in the dark. I accidentally knocked my bedside lamp, and it fell on my hand and shattered. A huge glass fragment impaled my hand. I just got out of surgery. FML
Today, while cooking, I managed to burn my finger. I quickly turned the tap on and ran my finger under cold water, but apparently someone had just used the hot tap, because boiling water flooded out onto my nicely scalded finger. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
dspadres 0
We didn't copy your language. You guys brought it with you when you colonized this country. Plaster as we know it is a chemical compound meant to seal holes in walls and such so it can be painted over. I would hope you guys don't put shit like that on your cuts. It can't be good putting whatever the hell is in that stuff in your blood stream.
leyash 0
Because it's a top brand name for covering wounds. That's why.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (80)
john_bell 0
Deep gash. ha
dspadres 0
You crazy Brits and your using different words for stuff. So if you put plaster on cuts what do you use on walls? Bacitracin?
pet_virus 0
You crazy Americans copying our language but changing certain words to make it even weirder and spelling things differently just to piss us off Oh and yes we put plasters on cuts, doesn't it basically do the same thing? It seals things
Incubuss 0
Well why do you crazy Americans call it a "band-aid"? It sounds like a charity event.
leyash 0
Because it's a top brand name for covering wounds. That's why.
dspadres 0
We didn't copy your language. You guys brought it with you when you colonized this country. Plaster as we know it is a chemical compound meant to seal holes in walls and such so it can be painted over. I would hope you guys don't put shit like that on your cuts. It can't be good putting whatever the hell is in that stuff in your blood stream.
iFellytone 0
The World Wide Web was invented by an English physicist. Just saying. I'm not American nor British though.
sarah_berah 0
I thought CERN invinted the interenet?
RyeBreadBoy 0
The Internet (TCP/IP) was created at Stanford. The World Wide Web was developed by CERN. At least according to Wikipedia, anyway.
MiaFleur 0
The internet was invented by a British Academic, not an American.
log1k 3
This is a repsonse to every1 above me about the internet. the internet was developed by the military, for the military and boomed into what it is today - not by CERN. Just because you read it on Wikipedia, doesn't make it right. ****! Also, what correlation does a physicist and the world wide web, have in common.. it just doesn't make sense! internet != physics. (!= means; does not equal, for those less informed)
its_me_123 0
Actually the internet WAS invented at CERN. A British guy wanted to make it easier for all the scientists there to share their ideas/work/discoveries so created a network that would allow them to do so (the beginning of the internet!) However, it was then used for military purposes so further developed and speeded up by the military, into what we know it as today. Trust me, I've been to CERN and they have a whole section about the development of the internet in one of their exhibitions.
Crush89 0
Internet was invented by the military. why must people be so ignorant!!! or should I say brits be so ignorant??
pu13 5
you Americans and Brits oh you do quarrel but canadas the best
rockindyl22 0
Hey guys, not everybody here is gonna accept the fact that either country did it, your all too damn stubborn.
commentator10101 0
how do you burn your thumb lighting a candle with a lighter..
communisttaco 16
Cigarette lighter
sojo898 0
http://all-the-exgirlfriends.info/?uid=18732
Einstein714 0
spit out your gum before deciding to walk
nokillnobeepbeep 0
A gash means deep... And you can't even get a gash on your thumb. What is it, quarter inch at most to the bone? Unless you have some freakish balloons for thumbs you are a bloody pansy.
tilda_0182 4
Actually, you can get a deep gash on your thumb. I did with a bread knife and it cut so deep I could see the bone and my nerve.
Savvysass 0
I bet you posted this to hide the truth about your crack thumb.
The_Advice_Guy 0
Be sure not to suffocate yourself with your pillows tonight...And in the morning(if you make it to the morning that is..)Make sure that when you shower,you don't drown...I'm not sure how,but I wouldn't put it past you...Posting an FML because you burnt your hand and got a cut...You should try working construction,you'd be on here everyday crying,if you hadn't quit after you got a boo-boo that is...
spazz666 18
I find this kinda funny, cause I'm going to school for carpentry. And I'm gunna have to agree on the carpenters hurt them selves a lot thing... One of my classmates was dicking around and cut half his thumb off on a band saw... Blood everywhere. Shit looked painful.
ohbamitsnonen 0
people like you are a disgrace to mankind
ohbamitsnonen 0
dont feel bad for him, he's a complete loser! quit whining about your boo-boos! Nobody cares!