Today, I received a text message from my favorite sister, saying, "Great news! The technology in condoms has improved so much that they ensure that accidents like you won't ever happen again!" Today's my birthday. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's my birthday. My parents wished me a happy one via text message. We live in the same house. FML
Today, I sent my mom an email with "Bad news" as the subject. At the end of her reply, she said, "And don't scare me! I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant!" I AM pregnant, and wanted to surprise her on her birthday. Guess I should get her something less disappointing. FML
Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML
Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML
Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML
Today, I got a text from my mom shaming me for forgetting my sister's birthday. It isn't her birthday today, it's mine. FML
Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML
Today, I was excitedly celebrating my 21st birthday. I was heading my to my first club when my sister called and snarkly said, “Congratulations on being 21, hope you don’t get drugged, raped and murdered tonight!” She’s mad that she was pregnant on her 21st and didn’t get to go out, so she wanted to ruin mine. FML
Today, I gave my sister a stun gun for her birthday since she recently had a couple "close calls" walking home from work late at night. She was so excited and thankful that she wanted to express her gratitude by shocking me to see if it really worked. FML
Today, I got a picture message from my aunt that said, "9 out of 10 kids get their awesomeness from their aunt." Normally, I would have agreed, except she forgot my birthday yesterday. FML
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Top comments
EClaris 0
it's just a joke, chill out. Close siblings can make jokes similar to that sometimes, even if you were hurt your life isn't ****** and your sister is not a bitch.
the_stereotype 0
if she's younger than you, say, "well...obviously they don't learn from their mistakes. they just make bigger ones (emphasis on bigger)" if she's older than you, say, "yeah...they tried to get it right the second time." anyway, your sister is a bitch with a good sense of humor
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Comments (253)
BW3Cmart 3
i think she meant to say mistake not accident, lol jk
strawberryswirl 0
Your sister is awesome. My friends in my dorm freshman year gave me a birthday card with condoms taped to it, and it said that my parents must have forgotten the spermicidal lubricant. Instead of being a whiny little bitch like you, I laughed and then moved on with my life.
mo_the_owl 0
take a joke.
wrecked47 0
A ****** JOKE
T_r_i_c_k_Y 0
For my 10th birthday, my (at the time) 23 year old sister gave me a UPS box with a piece of paper in it that said "There's a 13 year difference between me and you, you are the one who was a surprise from the start--play your cards right, kiddo!" I didn't act like it was the end of the world :/
Tubasaurus 0
Oh goody, another "Today, I can't take a joke. FML"
plexico 4
Joke you if you can't take a ****!
Dutchie2010 0
so what? it's a joke. Be glad your sister has a sense of humor
Pirate_argh 6
The worst part of this is the fact that you mention your 'favorite sister'.. And obviously it was just a joke - get on with your life, and spot wasting our lifes with these nonsense stories..
tazmaniak89 0
lmao