Today, I received a text message from my favorite sister, saying, "Great news! The technology in condoms has improved so much that they ensure that accidents like you won't ever happen again!" Today's my birthday. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's my birthday. My parents wished me a happy one via text message. We live in the same house. FML
Today, I sent my mom an email with "Bad news" as the subject. At the end of her reply, she said, "And don't scare me! I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant!" I AM pregnant, and wanted to surprise her on her birthday. Guess I should get her something less disappointing. FML
Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML
Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML
Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML
Today, I got a text from my mom shaming me for forgetting my sister's birthday. It isn't her birthday today, it's mine. FML
Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML
Today, I was excitedly celebrating my 21st birthday. I was heading my to my first club when my sister called and snarkly said, “Congratulations on being 21, hope you don’t get drugged, raped and murdered tonight!” She’s mad that she was pregnant on her 21st and didn’t get to go out, so she wanted to ruin mine. FML
Today, I gave my sister a stun gun for her birthday since she recently had a couple "close calls" walking home from work late at night. She was so excited and thankful that she wanted to express her gratitude by shocking me to see if it really worked. FML
Today, I got a picture message from my aunt that said, "9 out of 10 kids get their awesomeness from their aunt." Normally, I would have agreed, except she forgot my birthday yesterday. FML
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Top comments
EClaris 0
it's just a joke, chill out. Close siblings can make jokes similar to that sometimes, even if you were hurt your life isn't ****** and your sister is not a bitch.
the_stereotype 0
if she's younger than you, say, "well...obviously they don't learn from their mistakes. they just make bigger ones (emphasis on bigger)" if she's older than you, say, "yeah...they tried to get it right the second time." anyway, your sister is a bitch with a good sense of humor
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Comments (253)
WoolyWhoop 7
Meh... not great
Duckasaurus 0
YDI for having a favorite sister.
toink 0
YDI for being born!
Flamersplamer 0
YDI for using this site
lumara 0
yeah and you don't seem to have a much better life if you're commenting on this site
fosizzlemynizzlE 0
um, OP, its a joke. get over yourself
Flamersplamer 0
of course i have a better life, i don't get upset over stupid jokes and cry about it here.
inconvienentgurl 0
owww dam that has to hurt... maybe she was joking but u dont joke about things like that which could (n probably would) be taken seriously... your sister is probably just hatin cause your better than her XD if she can joke like that on you... JOKE BACK!!! { harder } i would...but then again i might be a vengeful person...sweet on the outside though AVENGE UR PAIN!! lmao
ReasonsToFly 0
#90 was an accident.
dudeitsdanny 10
90- Way to take it even more seriously than the OP OP: I say that about MYSELF all the time, about friends, my sister, my parents... Take a joke.
trollskitroll 0
How do you have a favorite sister? ydi
sobe23 0
I agree with #55. It's just a (funny) joke.
Mirequetz 6
lol That's funny. Get a sense of humour.
Mo_mo 0
omg thats what i was thinkin. get a life and a sense of humor OP. its a freakin joke.
newmanlyman3 8
heard of a ******* joke?
abcnonamecba 0
it was most probably a joke!!!!!!
locolouis 0
なる簗泣かせ山さはやまは山家やは矢場化泣かせ wow that must suck
MinnieMouse1718 0
#55- So what if it was a joke. Do you realize that jokes can hurt too? Or are your feelings burdened by crap? Plus, her sister said that on her BIRTHDAY.
dark5259 1
it's a joke! grow up!
the_hero_of_time 0
pretty sure she was joling
userofdoom 0
Holy shit. To state the obvious, your sister is a huge bitch. Oh, and happy birthday.
z3r0ram 0
IT's a joke it's also one of the stupid chain texts and emails that say the same damn thing
time4coffee 3
Who said sisters, even favorite sister,had to be nice,she was kidding, now if your mother said it..
userofdoom 0
Well, I'm sorry for not using a phone every hour of the day. I don't exactly get chain letters on my phone.
katsteak 0
maybe it was a joke? :3 & #3 your a complete bitch.
evilplatypus 39
Even if you didn't realize it's a chain letter, you should realize it's a JOKE. You and OP need to get a sense of humor.
EClaris 0
it's just a joke, chill out. Close siblings can make jokes similar to that sometimes, even if you were hurt your life isn't ****** and your sister is not a bitch.
Dahlia_F 0
for real! this kid needs to learn to take a joke. even if it is your birthday. and dude, when you grow up, birthdays aren't there for anything but to give you a hard time all day. get over it. YDI. happy birthday.
blalien 0
Dude, my mother made these kinds of jokes. Lighten up.
ForestFire0 1
It MIGHT be a fml if your mother said it. But it was your sister. relax, it wasn't like she actually knows whether you were planned or not. Like other people said, learn to take a joke.
onigiriqueen 0
Yeah, my parents and siblings send me joke phrases for my birthday all the time. No bigs, get a sense of humor.
caligirl1990 0
my older brother told me I was an accident that ruined our mothers life by make my dad and her get married. he told me in an ihop on my 8th grade graduation. he was serious and he was my favorite brother
the_stereotype 0
if she's younger than you, say, "well...obviously they don't learn from their mistakes. they just make bigger ones (emphasis on bigger)" if she's older than you, say, "yeah...they tried to get it right the second time." anyway, your sister is a bitch with a good sense of humor
the_stereotype 0
oh, wow, i could have sworn the OP was a girl...guess not
indiana_gal 0
damn her to ******* hell! jeeze u never say that to people, sorry ur sister's an ass!
666midnight 0
Umm it's seriously a joke text I get them all the time, like 'i did a good deed today, I took out 3 retards, I lost one at the cinema, one at mc donalds, now where the **** are you?' it's a joke and I know it is, my friend isn't really callin me a retard seriously it's just humor ffs
sk8worldind 0
its my birthday tooo
JustSoLost 8
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! :)
22jrdn55 15
oh happy birthday and Great news! The technology in condoms has improved so much that they ensure that accidents like you won't ever happen again!
doggylover27 0
Hahahahaha what a kickass joke! love you sisterrr!!!! :) shes awesomeness
Nakedsquirrel 5
Grow a spine.
mrda 0
You're more than an accident lol.
xavierdevoy 0
Happy birthday. You need to learn to take a damn joke.
swooshq 0
Seriously, learn to take a joke. hehe