Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I thought I was waving at my neighbor, who was also waving enthusiastically back. After smiling and gesturing, I realized she was actually cleaning her windows. I was flirting with Windex. FML
Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out of her second story bedroom window, taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned, "My baby's first kiss!" FML
Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML
Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML
Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Today, I have my bedroom window covered in tinfoil, since there is an insanely bright streetlight right outside my window and nothing else works to block it so when I brought a girl back to my place and she opened the blinds, she saw the tinfoil and stared in horror. I tried to explain but she just stared and stared. FML
Today, I got my first kiss. He had an allergic reaction to my chapstick, and broke out in hives. FML
Today, I did the "suck your finger" trick in the car to prevent my lipstick from getting on my teeth and halfway locked eyes with a random dude outside. FML
Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML
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Top comments
staymonkey 1
thats pretty pathetic.
rexmaxus 0
some people just need to be punched in the face. you are among them.
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Comments (458)
lover6 0
i think u r stupid.....go to a mental hospital, at least they MIGHT be able to help u!
shaniqualee 2
Today, I took a popsicle and stuck it in my poop chute to find out what it would be like if Edward Cullen went to town in my brown. WIN. I'll choose a chocolate popsicle next time to know what it's like with the black vampire.
FMYLIFEd00ds 0
#101 Lol WIN
Lawlipop 3
One would assume such a huuuuuge fan would at the very least know how to spell it.
patticake1601 0
everybody take a pill and relax. Twilight made a crap load of money in its first weekend so obviously there a lot of people going to see the movie. I have neither read the books or seen the movie and I am not even interested in seeing the movie, I'm too old for that kinda crap, but from the sounds of this post, OP is a child, and from what I have seen lately on FML, it seems that kids and tweens are mainly on here now. Give her a break, I'm sure a lot of you were silly kids. And OP, how can tonguing a cold pane of glass be even remotely similar to kissing a dude!!!! Use an orange for craps sake!
iAndrea 0
OP, I'm sure that more than half these people haven't read Twilight, so they clearly don't know what they're missing, haha. :) But that's kind of funny, I must admit. :]
dravthorn6669 0
as someone who has read the books and wasted my time to see the first movie. yes i do know what im talking about. the books sucked and the movie was worse.
Stang4life 0
the only reason I can think of that you would have even considered doing this is because you must be a fat lard who obssesses over stupid fake crap like this and expects everyone to live up to your standards because they need to b like Edward! get a life freak! YDI
jw90 18
just kiss Robert pattinson and ull know exactly what it's like to kiss Edward Cullen.
pshnoway 0
You are absolutely pathetic. People like you give our entire generation a bad name and you make me almost embarassed to be a teenage girl because that would mean that I have to be classified in the same group as you. I hope you die because there is honestly no hope in your future. No guy in his right mind would ever want an obsessive freak like you, but then again, that's better for us because you will never reproduce. I hope you go and get help because you really are sick and delusional.
JessTrek 0
Agreed. OP, best to remove yourself from the gene pool now. Can't have little obsessive yous running around in the future. It would be a pandemic.
Jagger117 0
pshnoway you are a ******* bitch. what right have you to judge her? you don't. especially considering you are so stuck up and vein, it's people like YOU who are ruining the human race and given the choice between the stuck up bitch that is you and th op, I would honestly choose her. I really hope you grow up before you reproduce. or at least have a horrible accident rendering you infertile.
pshnoway 0
I like how you criticized me for judging the OP by judging me, really that didn't make you look like a hypocrite at all. Also, I would never date someone who is willing to defend a twitard anyways because there is no excuse for their ridiculous behaviour or your pathetic comeback. I hope next time you attack somebody, you can make yourself look less dumb while doing it.
Linka_fml 0
There's why I'm embarrassed to be a teenage girl in this generation. He's not real, he never will be, get over it, and stop obsessing.