Today, I just pulled out of the fast food drive through, only to pull right behind a septic truck. Just as I was about to dig into my food, I noticed it had a handy window about a foot round. I had a stare-down with a turd until I could pass. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML
Today, I was stuck in traffic on the highway and decided it was the perfect time to pick a humongous booger out of my nose. While carefully examing and admiring it, I failed to notice that the owner of my company was staring at me from the left lane in complete and utter revulsion. FML
Today, I was on a long road trip and I really had to pee. With no rest stop for miles and night having fallen, I decided to pull over on the side of the highway and pee in a fast food cup. A cop knocked on the window to see if everything was okay, while I was mid-squat. FML
Today, I was exhausted after a long day at work and didn't feel like cooking so I went to a drive thru. I placed my order, went to the window and paid. I then drove off without my food and didn't realize it for a couple of blocks. I was too embarrassed to go back and get it. FML
Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML
Today, I was at work at a kiosk in the mall when I smelled something foul. I thought it was the weird dude who'd just walked by so I just carried on with my work. Minutes later, I looked to my right and there, lying on the floor a few feet from me, was a huge turd wrapped in toilet paper. FML
Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML
Today, I was waiting in line for breakfast at the McDonald's drive-thru. After getting so fed up that the line hadn't budged for 10 mins, I pulled out of the line, only to realize I was waiting behind 2 parked cars that were just to the left of the drive-thru lane. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I was driving past men working on the side of the road. There was a lot of water pouring down the road and as I slowed down to drive through it, a car sped past me, splashing my entire car. It was only then I realized it was a septic tank leak. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
I hope your fast food didn't include a brownie. With nuts.
DogmaT_fml 4
eat it while staring. I SAID, EAT IT WHILE STARING.
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Comments (72)
roydawgg 3
is anyone else reminded of the septic guy from the red green show?
allmidnighteyes 11
@Fmylifedam - I'm whatever you want me to be ;D
ButteryassTravis 0
small and brown, he comes from you.
DocBastard 40
Midnight - you goddamned sellout.
jeffav51 0
omg lmfao^^^^ that is perfect
allmidnighteyes 11
I gotta pay the bills somehow :C
millionaire93 0
wow you realize that eating fast food will just completely **** you over. who cares about the shit- you are likely to get that situation when eating at a crappy establishment. what the hell did u expect?
retrospect 5
if ur driving, ur eyes should be on the road, & not at other shit
ulicksam 0
YDI for eating fast food (nasty!) and for eating while you're supposed to be paying attention to driving. And then you're passing traffic while eating. Brilliant! By chance, the cops aren't coming to your house to discuss an accident you caused, are they?
AubriS 0
#37 that's what you got out of this FML? why he didn't wait until he arrived at home before he ate his food? really?