Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I knew my relationship was basically over when my boyfriend invited me over, and I was more excited about seeing his dog than seeing him. FML
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML
Today, the guy I'd been talking to online and liked came to my house party with a bunch of mutual friends. He spent the night sitting in the corner on the sofa talking to my cat. I woke up later to see that not only had he crashed for the night, but he'd curled up in the dog basket. FML
Today, I had a date over for the first time. Everything was going well until my dog decided to wedge himself between us on the couch, growl at my date, and then pee on his shoes. My date laughed it off, but my dog seemed to be giving me a smug “I warned you” look for the rest of the night. FML
Today, a guy I've liked for a while asked if he could talk to me during break. He'd never done that before, so I was excited and said yes. As soon as we both sat down, he asked if I'd help him get a date with my best friend. FML
Today, I went to a friend's wedding and was seated at a table with a bunch of strangers. To break the ice, I told a funny story about my dog. Turns out one of the guests is an animal behaviorist and spent the next hour explaining how I’ve been raising him all wrong. Thanks for the unsolicited advice during cocktail hour. FML
Today, I waved at a dog through a car window because it looked pleased to see me. The dog wasn't looking at me. Its owner thought I was waving at him and got out to have a conversation. We talked for ten awkward minutes because he thought I was hitting on him. FML
Today, as usual, my neighbor's 9 year-old son came over after school. I work from home so he stays until his mom gets home. My dog mopes around the house until 3 p.m., then gets all excited because he has a friend to play with. I'm almost jealous because a dog I've had for 11 years likes him more than me. FML
Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my dog, hoping they’d get along. I told my boyfriend, “Don’t worry, he never jumps on anyone.” Immediately, my dog jumped, not onto my boyfriend but right into my lap, knocking my glass of red wine all over my trousers. My boyfriend patted the dog and said, “At least someone’s happy to see you.” FML
Today, for the third time, my boyfriend called his dog by my name. FML
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Top comments
jchansfan 0
At least he didn't spend that hour barking at your dog.
coolguyattack 0
Oh yes, FYL because you're boring.
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Comments (51)
joemk2012 0
Try taking your **** out, see which of you he's more interested in then
soraXme33 0
lol. what did he talk to your dog about??
munchiie_rawksz 0
ydi its not his fault u werent keepinq his attention... somebody didnt qet laid ! munchiie :p
Egotistical 0
Shit next time don't be so borinq or put your doq in another room somewhere.NOTHING can break up a guy and a dog:B
Arcadia453 0
You totally deserve it. You picked him :)
Badboy6 5
O Yeah He's a Keeper ^_^
cowgoesgrr 0
was he hoping for. Doggystyle?
mandypandypants 4
I know what you mean. I was hanging out with a guy I liked and for 7 hours straight he talked about his family and when he did all kinds of drugs. I couldn't even tell him I had to leave because he wouldn't let me talk.
marmots 0
dog whisperer
Alilove_fml_fml 0
I'm sorry.... that's horrible! He's DEFINITELY NOT a keeper. I'm sorry you picked a weirdo. Fyl.