Today, I had to get a pre-exposure rabies vaccine for school. My boyfriend thinks I'll give him rabies and refuses to let me sleep in the same bed with him or initiate sex. I need two more shots over the next 3 weeks, which means sleeping on the couch for a month. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realised I had a bad month. Last week, I threw out my back; the week before, my girlfriend got a cold sore; this week, I got chickenpox at the ripe age of 31 years. When I went to bed last night, I found my girlfriend sound asleep with her vibrator in one hand. We haven't had sex for so long, I can't even blame her. FML
Today, my boyfriend is so scared of COVID that he takes precautions beyond what health professionals recommend to satisfy his OCD. He told me he wouldn't be getting the vaccine because he "won't be controlled by the government." Not to worry, he will just continue to be the unbearable control freak he transformed into since this all began. FML
Today, I’m allergic to all forms of hormonal birth control, and due to the virus outbreak, I can’t get my implant replaced. We’re in quarantine, and my boyfriend and I just used our last condom. It’s going to be a long couple of weeks. FML
Today, I couldn't prove my son has had chickenpox, so his school gave us the option of getting a potentially dangerous shot he didn't need, pay for an expensive blood test to show that he previously had the virus, or sign a waiver stating I'm a religious nut refusing medical treatment. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend why he never wants to sleepover anymore. He said he loves me, but that sleeping next to me is like sleeping next to someone reenacting the crucifixion while being mauled to death by squirrels. So much for cuddling through the night. FML
Today, my boyfriend's dog, which he got even though he knew I was allergic, literally got in between us while we were having sex. He didn't stop and got mad when I did. Now I'm itchy. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML
Today, my boyfriend came into town for the weekend. A proof of vaccination card to enter non-essential businesses also started. My dear boyfriend refuses to sign up for the card. Guess our nights out will be grocery shopping and him waiting outside while I shop anywhere else. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
Today, I visited my doctor upon coming home from University. I found out that I'm severely allergic to our pet bunny, which has resulted in a rash taking over my body. She suggested that we get rid of the bunny. I told my mom. She told me to come home less often. FML
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Top comments
cptncuttlefish 24
Why do you have to sleep on the couch because he’s ******* stupid?
MA_medQ 7
First of all, why are you dating a dumbass? Second of all, why are you letting him kick you out of bed? He can sleep on the couch if he is too stupid to understand how vaccines work. Third, bring him with you to the doctor next time you go get a shot so the doc can explain how vaccines work to him.
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Comments (22)
RichardPencil 32
They’re a way you can have sex right away and sleep in a bed. Answer: New boyfriend.
BEEEEES 15
I think your boyfriend is defective, you should check the warranty to see if it covers "stupid"
jsikes 8
You live with your boyfriend in high school? Thats your first mistake
DanielleinDC 34
If your boyfriend is that paranoid, he can sleep on the damn couch.
faifai_fml 21
I'm hitting YDI for not grabbing the bed and telling him he's welcome to the couch if he thinks it's so great.
ViviMage 40
Just attack him in the middle of the night in your lingerie with a mouth full of whipped cream!
WHSKitty4ever 23
Your boyfriend is an idiot
Gibbsy326 6
Nah...he's the scaredy cat- you kick his ass to the couch.
Squidgegg 4
You definitely deserved it for dating an absolute dumbass. Explain to him how vaccines work, or you'll be spending your hard-earned vet money in a few years feeding and housing this absolute idiot. What a prat. He's so dumb that if you chucked him in a barrel of **** he'd come out sucking his thumb.
bass_ftp 12
Hate to say this, but an alternative explanation to all these ' your boyfriend is a dumbass' comments is that he's just using this excuse as a reason not to want to get intimate with you. I mean, I know there are people this stupid, but this explanation makes more sense to me.