Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought I had gotten away with throwing a party while my folks were gone the night before. They came home and I was as sweet as possible. I could tell they were not buying it, but I thought I was in the clear. Later, they told me I had drunk-dialled them and spilled the beans. FML
Today, I came home after a party to my parents, who confronted me. They said that my phone had made a pocket call to them and they heard a good half hour of people talking about drugs and alcohol. I confessed at that point. I checked my phone after. I hadn't called them in three days. FML
Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said, "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother." FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, at dinner, I accidentally let it slip that I'd taken a small sip of alcohol a few years ago and hated it. My extremely strict parents are now trying to get me into rehab. FML
Today, I was so drunk that I gave my mom's number instead of mine to the really cute guy I met at the bar. FML
Today, my parents heard me leaving my room at 2 am, and freaked out because they thought I was sneaking out. I was too embarrassed to tell them that I was getting food instead of having a social life. FML
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home drunk from a party last night. They said I couldn't hang out with my best friend anymore as he's a "bad influence". He was the only one sober in our group and drove me home safely. FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
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Top comments
Exodiafinder687 58
What a brilliant plan. It's fool proof. Now you just have to bribe your parents and make sure they don't tell themselves or else you could be in a lot of trouble. Of course, you could also 'dispose' of them, but then how will you explain that when your parents start asking why they don't see themselves around anymore?
ajilon7 17
What did your parents say to that???
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Comments (102)
Schala360 27
hahahaha well done champ
octinate 17
You would have got away with it if you didn't call them!
incoherentrmblr 22
Self-fulfilling prophecy & Murphy's Law...
Aadavis94 25
Wow you are stupid. YDI
BBeffedmylife 28
I was going to say he's drunk, not stupid.. Then realized drunk and stupid are practically synonyms.
ajilon7 17
What did your parents say to that???
CatLady4Lyf 30
"Okay, we won't tell if you won't." Unless they have no sense of humor, then it was probably along the lines of, "You're grounded!" Just a guess.
sylverdrag_fml 9
To be fair, he demonstrated perfectly why he shouldn't get drunk. Grounds enough to ground him.
Shrekie_fml 23
If you included your age it could heavily change the YDI to Your life sucks Ratio.
VeganVampyre 27
Yeah, my first thought was "wait, how old are you?" If OP is underage and worried about getting grounded, then they really shouldn't have been there in the first place. If OP is an adult and just didn't want them to know for whatever reason then it's much less of a big deal...
iTzSelverZz 14
Well at least you made them laugh at you while being angry.
Queen_bee1234 21
Who said they laughed?
annihil8or 15
#28 - who said they didn't laugh?
tbro47 23
Yea, next time if you're going to drink and happen to have an iPhone, hide the app that lets you use your phone with other apps before hand. If you were so messed up that you called your parents, odds are you wouldn't have the brainpower to really search for it at that point
Rawrshi 25
Yeah but this can be dangerous in case of an emergency when they absolutely need to call someone like their parents or a cab instead of getting in a car drunk/with someone drunk. Does it disable 911 calls as well?
annarcheer 19
Hopefully he would have friends that were sober around who wouldn't let him do that. I don't have an iPhone but you could probably just block it from letting you call certain people.
Rawrshi 25
Hopefully, but you never know. I've had to go track down a friend who got drunk at a party and ended up somewhere they had no clue where they were. It took a while to find them. If their phone was disabled it could have been way worse as they were just left on the street in an unfamiliar place by their "driver".
tbro47 23
You can do emergency calls from the lock screen at any time on an iPhone
Retaheki 27
You can hide apps on iPhone?
tdawg91 17
Nothing disables emergency calls except a dead battery
tbro47 23
You can't really hide them but you can bundle them with other apps to save space which hides them from immediate view
Retaheki 27
Oh, I thought it was like Android where there's the App page and the actual home page(s) where you can have app shortcuts.
_kyleG_ 34
Your drunk self is a dick
communisttaco 16
Nailed it
Exodiafinder687 58
What a brilliant plan. It's fool proof. Now you just have to bribe your parents and make sure they don't tell themselves or else you could be in a lot of trouble. Of course, you could also 'dispose' of them, but then how will you explain that when your parents start asking why they don't see themselves around anymore?
Bricktothehead 21
^best written response ive seen today! It made me lol.
immaloser95 28
I'm favoriting the FML for this comment. Beautifully written, sir.
theRonin 18
Dont worry! I know a guy that will make sure his parents dont see the light of day without his parents asking questions as to why they dont see themselves as often like before! Its fool proof!
zimgirl 18
hahaha almost peed myself good sir lol
kuro21 20
Well you were asking for it when you decided you wanted to get drunk. Always know your limits before drinking.