Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, I bought myself a Crumbl cookie as a treat for losing 20lbs. Upon seeing it, my mom screamed at me for cheating on my diet and how I was going to "gain all the weight back" and insisted she eat some of it to "help me out." She left behind a tiny morsel of the cookie with a chocolate chip chunk. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML
Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML
Today, my brother had texted me, asking, "Why did you take Mom's chocolate? That's pathetic." I proceeded to swear on my own life that I didn't, but directly after that he sent me a picture of the wrapper in my room. FML
Today, I received a 7-page text message during school from my mom yelling at me because I ate her cereal. FML
Today, I got a text from an unknown number that just said, “I’m outside.” Thinking it was a prank, I wrote back, “Cool, I’m inside. Stay there forever.” Ten minutes later, the food delivery guy left, and I never got my dinner. FML
Today, my mom complained that I never do anything nice for her, so while out shopping I bought her favorite chocolate bar. When I got home, she screamed at me because she’s on a diet. FML
Today, I hit a new low when I caught myself eating the chocolates that were meant to be part of my boyfriend's Christmas presents. FML
Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML
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Top comments
carry_on 19
At least your stalker is looking out for your health...
anabelgraceaxton_fml 15
You could do so much better, don't cheat on your diet, it's not worth it.
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Comments (134)
chocolateisyum 12
Time to change your number... And lock on the front door.
v1kt4r 13
Well... You shouldn't have been eating it..
Steve95401 49
Jenny Craig is stalking you.
Jordath_Fil 11
For some reason your laughter ruined the joke.. JERK!
julje 2
Creepy!!! You may have a stalker!!
rosenkrieger223 24
MAY have a stalker? What on Earth would have given you that idea? /sarcasm
luminos_ 9
You can be miserable before eating that chocolate and you can be miserable after eating that chocolate but you'll never be miserable WHILE eating it. Enjoy.
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
White now you're on a dark and slippery slope OP with your chocolate eating, It's choc to stop!
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
:L downvotes? Meh I tried ^_^
Abbbiiieeeeeeeee 16
The food police are on to you, bro! Never underestimate their food-spotting powers.
oj101 33
Are you the obese guy who pushed his way past the pregnant lady for a seat? I certainly hope so.
misslifeguard 7
Congrats!! You have a stalker.
Synapsky 10
Maybe this stalker person meant to text their dog
Synapsky 10
Ain't nobody got time for canine seizures.
Neonemerld 21
Ain't nobody got time for your comments.