Today, I forgot to grab toilet paper on the way home from work. Since I don't have a car and all of my friends have plans for Valentine's Day I'm now down to wiping with cotton balls. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML
Today, after racing home with a jumbo package of toilet paper, I ran into my house to go to the bathroom. I then realized I'd left the toilet paper in the car. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at the mall and the toilet paper had ran out. I had to use the socks I'd just bought. FML
Today, I have to use toilet paper as a substitute for Kleenex, because I have a nasty cold and ran out. We're also snowed in where I live, so I currently can't go to the store to get some more. I think I now understand why people were hoarding this stuff. FML
Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML
Today, while I was in a bathroom stall, the guy next to me asked me for toilet paper. It was then that I realized I didn't have any either. FML
Today, I had just sat down and taken a dump in a public restroom when I realized there was no toilet paper. I tried to discreetly call for help, but no one heard me. My only option was to text a friend and have them bring me some. The worst part? My friend ended up texting me, "You called for backup?" as I waited in humiliation. FML
Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML
Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML
Today, the stall I was using didn't have any toilet paper in it. Being the immature idiot I am, I was too embarrassed to ask for someone to grab me some. So I waited 45 minutes for the bathroom to be empty and crept into the next stall, only to find it was also out of toilet paper. FML
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Top comments
LaColombianita 26
You do what you gotta do to keep your ass clean.
abbyhoneywaffles 11
That would be awful. The fluff comes off of those things so easily.. That shit must be all up in your areas.
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Comments (119)
DalPozzo13 10
FYL
speshlk37 13
I think you can use three seashells somehow. I saw it in a movie...
LadyA13 1
For years I've been wondering how the three sea shells were supposed to work! Baffling!!
chelseaaababyyy 17
yikes. you don't have paper towels, or maybe even a wash cloth you could use ? that would be better than cotton balls. i could only imagine the mess.
liftedyoda 5
Agree but a guess they dont think like a normal person
NateSkye 3
Aw don't use washcloth, that's towlies son
Calyx_fml 22
Poor you. How terrible that you have to wipe your ass with pure cotton. What an inflated sense of entitlement to have if you think this is an FML.
vde_fml 15
......there is one thing called water perhaps you have heard of it.
SoultheWolf 19
Did it not occur to you to ask a neighbor? Use napkins or towels? Even walk to a damn store!?
perdix 31
Well, at least you're getting some balls slapping against your ass on Valentine's Day. Only your diary will be fooled.
Blueglasscup 18
At least you're not on your period too (I hope)?
Metteris 0
I really fail to see the problem? Why can't you just go out and buy some toilet paper? You don't need a car to do that, or your friends. How hard can it be to go to a store and pick some up? A lot of people don't have cars. You don't see them wiping with cotton balls.
HarleyQuinnJen 3
maybe he realized he didn't have paper after dropping a deuce? I think that's what he meant.
KayleeFrye 39
Maybe they live in a town where things aren't close enough to walk to. Plus many smaller towns don't have buses or cab companies.
overcastlexi 0
That sucks
linkinpark98 24
Well no shit. :3