Today, I entered a hotdog eating contest. I made it up to two, threw up on the rest of them, and fell over. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to take an oral examination. I made it to the last part of the exam, then violently threw up in the middle of my answer. FML
Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML
Today, I was wrestling in a tournament. I was in the finals about to win when the kid threw up on me. They thought I'd hit him in the stomach hard enough to make him throw up, so they disqualified me. FML
Today, I coughed so much I threw up, then whilst recovering from throwing up, a fly flew into my mouth and I ate it. I then promptly threw up again. FML
Today, while at Costco, I was eating a hotdog when I saw a really hot guy walking over. Trying to be sexy, I bit my hotdog cutely and winked. I ended up choking and dropping the ketchup covered hotdog all over my lap. FML
Today, I had a stomach bug, but despite it I swallowed a mouthful of habanero sauce on a dare. I ended up projectile vomiting on a wall outside, lost my sense of balance and fell over on the sidewalk, almost blacked out from the tightness in my chest, and had to refuse an ambulance that somebody had called. All for $5. FML
Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML
Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML
Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML
Today, I participated in an obstacle course. As I was going over a set of monkey bars, my balls got crushed between the bar and my gut. I barely managed to get down before blacking out in the middle of the road. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
alstbv12 13
At least people now can't make the joke that you're used to a bunch of wieners in your mouth.
AugustBurnsToast 14
You are the weakest link.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (124)
iLilac 7
This kind of competitions requires some practice believe me!! And yah sucks to be you man
br0ccoli 15
Your body has great reflexes. Diabetes averted. No one should ever have that many sausages in their mouth.
SkoomaKi 28
Well guys shouldn't, girls however... ;D But on topic, OP you have a responsible body, don't **** it up.
Mauskau 36
So you like slags with stds? Nice standards you have there.
Enslaved 38
Why bother? it's always that skinny Japanese man that seems to win contest after contest. :P
jerseyboy732 16
it's pathetic... this country has become so fat and lazy and we can't even win a contest that is based on how we got so fat and lazy to begin with
perdix 31
Not so fast. Joey Chestnut has beaten Kobayashi five years in a row! Plus, we also have Sonya Thomas, the Black Widow. We are back on top in competitive overeating! We should be because the amateur version is so popular here. *Cue Lee Greenwood* "And I'm proud to be an American! . . ."
skyeyez9 25
I saw that guy. A doctor explained why he wins: a skinny guy can actually eat more because there is no fat in their midsection to Prevent their stomach from stretching more to fit more food. Plus that Japanese guy dips his hotdog buns in his glass of water to make the bread easier to eat.
jerseyboy732 16
your first comment implies OP threw up after eating dog 3 and dog 4.. he ate 2, threw up, and that was it
linkinpark98 24
Here come the 'wieners in your mouth' jokes...
muFilter 19
I'm thinking there must be more to the story since you wouldn't have entered if you can't even eat two hotdogs. You probably don't deserve it, but really it's more like F every other contestant's life. I mean, I imagine the last thing any of them needed was ambient vomiting from the get-go.
Ugi 27
I just love the phrase "ambient vomiting". Not a great image. Or indeed experience I image. But a great phrase.
muFilter 19
Hey, 43, are you one of those emetophiles 13 was talking about earlier?! No, I'm only kidding. I was actually pretty thrilled to have the opportunity to use the phrase even as it occurred to me, so thank you.
jerseyboy732 16
OP threw up on the rest that were sitting in front of him waiting to be eaten. At a hotdog eating contest about 10-15 dogs would be placed in front of each contender prior to the start. it prevents someone having to run over every 2 seconds to supply another dog
merko 8
WEAK!
challan 19
Congrats on last night. Slowest scoring game EVER, I just wanted to go to bed! Lol
tylerwynn420 3
i guess weiners in mouth isnt your thing...
ninjaniki 0
What, only after two? Weak effort...