Today, I dove head-first underneath my garage door, narrowly missing both the sensor and the closing door, executing a perfect roll, and popping back up onto my feet unscathed. My smugness went through the floor as I remembered I'd left my keys back in the house. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after double-checking to make sure the garage door was completely open, I backed my car into it. FML
Today, I sneaked out of work early. I tripped over my own feet while walking up to my car. As I fell, I managed to hit the panic button on my car keys, setting off my car alarm while I lay flat on the ground in the parking lot. FML
Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML
Today, I was running late for work. As I hurried out the door, I managed to trip over my own feet, fall off the front porch, and key my new car. FML
Today, in a rush to get out of my house to go to a doctor's appointment, I closed the door behind me without having my house or car keys on me. Sadly, it took me less than a minute to break into my own house. FML
Today, as I was closing my car door, I realized I had left the keys in the ignition. Not wanting to lock myself out, I reached to stop the door from closing. Not only did I scream when the door slammed on my hand, but in my furious pain, I leaned on the door, locking my keys inside. FML
Today, whilst heading out the door to go to work, my lanyard got caught on the doorknob inside, and I watched my keys swing back inside as the door closed behind me. It was locked. FML
Today, I backed into our new garage door. The same new garage door that we purchased because I broke our old one by backing into it. FML
Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML
Today, I got into a car crash, in my own garage. FML
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Top comments
NuTrees 9
That's when you use your skills to get back into the house. You know up the tree, onto the ledge... You know!
Damn_Hippster 11
That's some Indian Jones shit right there. I wouldn't even care about the keys as long as at least one person saw that.
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Comments (116)
FirstTigerHobbes 13
26- More like ParkNO! Aha, see what I did there...? No..? Okay, I'll go crawl back in my hole now...
neal001 0
LMFAO
xbella 8
this is a lame FML =P
doorick 4
dumbass
emiliepelka 4
I wish I was your neighbor and could have witnessed that :)
GoW_Chick 15
25- I could just see OP humming the Indiana jones theme song, and ending in a classic pose, to bad he didn't remember to get his keys at the last moment.
LookOnBrightSide 12
25-Kind of reminds me of Indy in the Temple of Doom. Except that Indy actually remembered his hat, and OP forgot his keys. Anybody see the parallels?
SportsKnut 8
Cool story bro.
doonerz 0
tell it again.
Cartera 10
Well. Didn't think that one through, did you?
salsa324 0
xD! That's a I wish I had butler moment...
ladyLALAA 29
I'd much rather my keys then butter.