Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was watching porn with no headphones, because my roommate had left for work. He didn’t fill me in that his girlfriend was, one, even over at our place, and two was using the room next to me to teach her third grade class. Yeah. I’m going to get headphones. FML
Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML
Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch porn on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear, but It wasn't until she came out of the bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML
Today, at 1 a.m., I had my headphones on trying to watch porn. I live in an apartment with thin ass walls anyway, and I didn’t realize my headphone jack had come undone. The volume was terrible on the video so I raised it louder, not realizing it until like maybe halfway through the video, and my window was also open. FML
Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML
Today, I was watching porn in the living room with the volume turned up, because I was under the impression that my family had already left for vacation. It turns out my cousin and his girlfriend were upstairs the entire time. FML
Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some porno on the computer. Suddenly someone from my messenger list says, "You might want to turn off the 'What You're Listening To' option if you're watching porn." I snapped and exited the porn. 63 people saw. FML
Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML
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Top comments
crazybaish69 0
WOW thats bad.
icanhazfmlz 0
What a nice roommate.
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Comments (78)
pewp 5
why would you ********** with your roommate in the same room? asleep or not, thats just freakin weird.
baracudaboy 0
Hahahaha.
MissFortune_fml 0
I agree with #6 and 45. OP = epic fail :s
Scrambles 0
*Claps* Ah man! Love how nonchalant your roomie was about that.
blueworld_fml 0
This roommate is going to pwn you with payback someday. Are you the guy who later got the gay kiss when his dad came over? B/c that's about equal. Steps to pre-fooling around with yourself. 0. You could just avoid this whole thing, find a girl and legit sexile your roommate. 1. Confirm roommate is gone. Sleep is never safe. If they wake up to pee at the wrong moment, ur toast unless you've got sick reflexes. 2. Lock door. 3. Headphones on. 4. Sound check, headphones in with a neutral sound. My personal fav is "I Believe in Miracles", music video. Worst case, someone hears the Hot Chocolates and the world could use a lot more 70s love.
ygdrassil 17
I like how you start your instructions at zero, not one.
maggieislemons 0
xDD!!!!!!!!!!
washa_fml 0
at least you didn't have to. you were busy. you should really just thank your roomate for that one.
AngryScotsman 0
I don't get it, he didn't say anything, he just plugged in your headphones for you. What a nice roommate. You should thank him.
Dickman16 0
lmfaoo..what a good roomate...if I was ur roomate I would have recorded of and then used the video as blackmail.
Upside_Down 0
You are a tard!